St. Paul's Cathedral 61c

Designed by Sir Christopher Wren and built near 1700, St. Paul’s Cathedral in London is a glorious piece of history and architecture.  Even more than that, it has a famous architectural anomaly halfway up the majestic dome.

St Paul's Cathedral

Have you ever heard of a whispering gallery?

The first one ever discovered is still in St. Paul’s Cathedral.

If you climb the 257 stairs from the cathedral floor to the whispering gallery, you are met with a surprising intimacy even Sir Christopher Wren did not foresee.

The gallery is a complete circle with an intricate handrail and simple wall.

A Bedroom like a Whispering Galleries


If you place your cheek near the surface of the wall and speak {even in a whisper}, your companions can hear you, clear and crisp – even clearer than if you were standing right next to each other – no matter how far away they are down the wall.  You can stand on opposite sides of the gallery, place your ears to the wall and whisper back and forth as if you were in bed together {but keep it clean, because there are usually lots of people around when you actually visit}.

…Which is why we are talking about whispering galleries today in our conversations about LOVE AND MAKING IT. What if we made our bedrooms into metaphorical whispering galleries?  Then you could whisper anything you wanted and your lover would hear you.

In the whispering gallery it does not matter how far apart you are, if you both agree to place your cheeks against the wall and face toward the path of the sound waves {letting the waves connect you} you WILL hear each other clearly even if you only speak in whispers.

If we set aside our bedrooms as whispering galleries, maybe the space and separateness that can creep in between two people who love each other can be made inconsequential. Maybe, if we agree to turn towards each other, just in this special space, we will be able to hear each other’s love and desire – clear and crisp.

Perhaps the bedroom is too big a space. What if we narrow it down to just your bed?

Your bed is your whispering gallery and it works best if you are naked.

Even when bills, schedules, forgotten lunches, dirty socks, cereal chewing noises, Netflix addictions, wet towels, 3am feedings, bad days, ill-timed jokes, and wrong turns all try to get between you… In your whispering gallery, you can still hear LOVE and INTIMACY even if you have to whisper to get it out.

How do we do this? How do I make a naked whispering gallery?! I can hear the questions. I feel them in myself sometimes too. How?  The noise and space seem too immense to cross some nights. I’m too frustrated. Too tired. Too uncomfortable in my own skin.

Even Sir Christopher Wren didn’t KNOW he was building a Whispering Gallery. How do we do this on purpose?


1. Start to see sex as more than just intercourse. Let your mind wander, meander, create, and want more than a few minutes of predictable movements. What if we thought of sex as full of possibilities – 1,000 ways to connect. Like a great football game or dance class, the details and surprises are the most fun parts.   {It’s not JUST the touchdowns that make a good football game.}

2. Start to see sex as more than just a healthy habit.  Sex is way more useful than brushing your teeth or doing squats.  Sex is as good for your health as those two things are, but it is also a spiritual practice that forces us to face down our issues. Sex is more like prayer – connection, honesty, growth, beauty, life. These are the things we can start to see in our sex lives, with some practice.  Sex matters because once we are married, it becomes an important part of our wholeness.

3. Start to see your bedroom as set-apart for a purpose. Just like anything: a writing space, a workout space, a space for quiet-time. Your bed needs to become off-limits to all those problems that sneak into your relationship. In bed, there are no bills, no laundry to do, no unforgiveness. Your bedroom is for “whispering” love & for learning to YADA each other better.

4. Start with an agreement to make your bedroom the place for connection.  Remember, In the whispering gallery it does not matter how far apart you are, if you both agree to place your cheeks against the wall and face toward each other, you WILL hear each other clearly even if you only speak in whispers.


There’s so much more but we will have time. Everyday in October we will continue to talk about LOVE and MAKING IT… and I have some good things planned for our time together after that. Thanks for sticking with this – it’s a fun but hard topic. Talking about it helps me too, you know. We are in this together… this hope that we can be made whole and that sex is a big part of our wholeness once we fall in love.