Why do I talk about sex?
Because when you talk about Sex, you talk about Love. And Love is what matters.
Sex is one of the leverage-points in life. A fulcrum. Like strengthening your core; developing a healthy sexuality and sensuality, gives you a strong center
I was born with scoliosis (what? that is a weird start to my life story). I was born with scoliosis, so some of my earliest memories are focused on trying to “fix” my body, at a fundamental level, through chiropractors and surgery.
Symmetry is one of the most recognized aspects of beauty, I learned that on the History Channel. And I have never been symmetrical, even at my very core. So basically, the history channel told me I was not beautiful … and I believed them.
For a long time, my body walked my brain around town. That is all. My body and I really did not connect. (Except for when I swam. Immersing myself in water has always allowed me freedom … without limits or judgments.)
I met Jesus at a Baptist Youth Group that might have rivaled some of yours for its strictness. Purity and modesty! That’s how a girl keeps her worth.
I also met my future husband around that same time. We fell in love and have worked darn hard to stay in love.
In our over 15 years of marriage we have overcome major injuries, serious body issues, the challenges of being purity-culture teenagers, pursuing big dreams, and raising two babies safely into elementary school.
We hit major blocks throughout the years, but the one that stopped us cold happened after our second child was born.
My second baby was over 9lbs and I am only 5′ tall. There was a mix up in the heavenly fitting room. She’s the right kid for me, but her womb guardian angel let her get a little big. So, after carrying her around for 41 weeks with scoliosis (I have rods attached to my spine to keep it from getting worse) and then birthing her naturally, my hips and all of my lower-belly organs were very injured (for those of you who are recovering from pregnancy and birth – I have a combination of diastasis symphysis pubis and prolapse – If you don’t know what those are… happily move on, my friends. If you have any pelvic issues and wanna talk, let me know).
My husband I could no longer “get by” in our sex lives. Things hurt. I felt ridiculous in my body.
We could have chosen to live as roommates and friends, try to ignore the problem or get around it, but we chose to move straight through.
And it changed everything.
I wouldn’t have believed it would be this revelatory. No one talked about sex as anything but either a responsibility or a hit of pleasure. Before, when we had sex, it was good. It also caused communication problems, rejection issues, and confusion. But we got by.
But my injury forced us to rethink how our relationship functioned.
I studied, read every book I could find and then practiced. I cried. Got discouraged. Kept going. Went to classes. Found experts. And we practiced again. Prayed. Improved. Went to physical therapy and women’s health centers. Practiced. Prayed. Improved.
Then, breakthrough after breakthrough began to happen. In the wise words of Rihanna, “We found love in a hopeless place.”
Sex became powerful, beautiful, healing, fun, playful, spiritual, and necessary for me. We didn’t just solve the problem we thought we had – in my injury – we broke open a whole new depth to our relationship and in our selves.
All this time, my life didn’t stop. I was still the ambitious, creative, dreamer with kids and dishes to wash and a community to pastor.
And as I shared and counseled women online and in my local church, I discovered a divine calling:
Love & Making It.
Because YOU, my friend…
You are inventive and creative. You are changing the world for the better. You are loving. And the most intimate areas of your life should be included in all that goodness.