This post is NOT for those who struggle in a relationship that is manipulative or abusive. This post is NOT meant to support the 1000’s of years of oppression women have endured as property or servants. It is meant as a reminder that in a healthy, mutual relationship… sometimes we need to be reminded to put on our gym shoes and get motivated.

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If you love your husband but just can’t find the motivation or desire to have sex or initiate sex, this is the most practical help I can give:

Just Do It

I know it’s not romantic. I know it’s not ideal.

We want passion and an irresistible magnetic pull towards the love of our lives, but we do not live in Outlander or Twilight or 50 Shades.  No one is writing our romance for us – in OUR lives. We have to do the work of making time to love our spouse with not just our minds but our bodies too.

Many of us spend all day basically in our heads. Our bodies serve to carry our brains around and not much else (except to eat Chipotle! Thank you, mouth!). I mean, we work hard but we do not move our bodies for pleasure or mastery of movement.

This causes a disconnect between our minds and our bodies in that we are not accustomed to a life that requires a conscious, practiced connection between body, mind, and soul.  We move minimally or with rough, uninspired, exhausted actions throughout long days.

Then, we come home and our husbands (usually, but sometimes it’s the other way around) want to make sweet love… and we are so disconnected from our body that it feels foreign, awkward, and… well, like a lot of work, to get up the energy to have sex.

BUT if they hang in there with us and push through the initial rejection (miracle!) then we kiss and kissing turns to sex… and most of the time, we are really, really glad we did have that sex.  We really love our spouse and making love to them is a good thing.

It’s a lot like going to the gym.

Sometimes you just have to do it. Get started. Put on your shoes.

You may not really feel like it, but you know it’s good for you and you’ll be happy you did it. So you start, and about 15 minutes in you find yourself enjoying it.  You feel strong and alive. Your muscles and your mind are working in unison. Then, after you are done, you are proud and you are glowing.

It’s okay to feel the same way about sex.

Sometimes you just have to do it. Get started. Put on your shoes {but this time it’s lingerie}.

You may not really feel like it, but you know it’s good for you and you’ll be happy you did it. So you start, and about 15 minutes in you find yourself enjoying it.  You feel strong and alive. Your muscles and your mind are working in unison. Then, after you are done, you are proud and you are glowing.

Just do it. 

(I did not make this pic, I just like it.)