Has anyone ever accidentally grabbed or brushed against your breasts?

(That is, if you have breasts… if you don’t, have you ever accidentally grabbed or fondled or brushed against someone else’s breasts?)

It’s happened to most everyone at some point or another.  You are in some close space and people are moving around.  Breasts stick out and hands or arms often accidentally brush against those soft bumpers.  The second after it happens, when it registers in everyone’s minds that breasts have been touched, eyes dart up in shock and embarrassment before blinking hard to break the stare.  But do not fear, this is not necessarily a moment of awkward embarrassment for both of you. 

See: The intimacy of the moment is the direct inverse to the push-up-ness of the bra on said breasts.  








Wearing ^^ THIS ^^ is like wearing boob armor. Bump against them all you want, it’s not really ME. The real me is hiding behind inches of padding and water or gel or air.  

(That picture is so airbrushed, the bottoms of her pretend breasts are pinched up in the bra. It kind of hurts me.)

That’s the kind of bra to wear to a mosh pit or first date. If someone gets too handsy, you’ll hardly notice.

If the woman is wearing an unlined bra where her breasts actually reach the edges of the cloth and her skin feels the movement of cotton or hands, then it is entirely different. The level of vulnerability goes way up.

More padding = Less vulnerable  |  Less padding = More vulnerable

How much armor are you wearing?

Can you be touched?  We are not just talking about bras, now. How far away is your inner self from the surface of your skin?  I call that space between YOU (the part that feels love) and your skin = you Armor.

When you come to bed, how much armor are you wearing?  When your Lover’s hands run across your stomach to your chest, how much armor are you wearing?  When you kiss goodnight, how much armor are you wearing? When he makes a move and subtly tries to see if his passionate feelings are reciprocated, how much armor are you wearing?

Can you feel it?  Can you feel when his words reach out to touch you? Can you feel it when his hands want to caress and affect you?

I do not mean, how padded is your bra? I mean, how padded is the passionate center of your heart?

Are you doing things to make yourself “look better” that are actually separating you from really feeling when your Love touches you?

It could be anything:

It could be an actual push-up bra when you should be naked.
It could be holding your stomach in so much you can’t remember to orgasm.
It could be disconnecting from your skin because your skin isn’t the size you ordered.
It could be layering frustrations and disappointments between you both to punish your spouse for them.
It could be pretending you are fine when you desperately need something.


We like to throw the word “Embodied” around lately in conversations about health and beauty. People talk about it in all kinds of complicated ways, but it is simple and it is vitally important to great sex.

Get in your body. Be in it.

Let your Lover locate your soul in every inch of your skin.  Do not pull back to hide in some dark, safe recess of your inner self. Spread out and fill your skin to the brim so that when you are caressed … YOU are caressed.

Start by noticing the places your soul already feels safe to be.  What parts of your body connect with your soul?

Is it your lips?  When you are kissed well, does your gut feel loved?

Is it that space near your collarbone where your neck curves up? When lips touch that spot, can your heart feel it?

What parts of your skin are you already in?

Start there.

Then, invite your soul into the other beautiful places and spaces on your body as well.

(Pro tip: All the places and spaces of your body are beautiful.)

This is the best gift you can give yourself and your current or future spouse:
become at home in your body.

Push up bras can be fun & utilitarian, and it makes sense why someone would wear one, but a hand on 2 inches of padding is not the same as a hand on warm, naked skin.

Learn to be at home in your body so you can be intimately loved in it.