Tag Archives: beauty

Touch me

Posted on by Nicole

I’m here. In here. 
not body or soul
but both – Both
skin and nerves
sewn to love and fears
touch me, please
so you can touch me

We are neither angel nor animal.

We can live for days as if our minds are the endless, beautiful, infinite space of creativity and spirituality. We can live for days as if our bodies are the magnetic, focused, sensory playgrounds of indulgence and physical exertion. We can choose to live on either side of the divide, but only so long as we can keep up the illusion that there IS a divide.

We cannot live long or well without realizing the mental effect of our physical actions.

We cannot live long or well without realizing the physical needs and effects of our mental obsessions.

You are imagination and skin.

Skin is holy. Spirit is holy.

If we are living for the day that we are finally done with this body and can be the spirit we were always meant to be, we are missing the goodness and holiness in Life. It is in and through our bodies that we love and are loved.

 

*****

Last night, my littlest daughter asked me to cuddle with her. She loves when I gently run my hands up and down her legs as she lays in bed. Her soft body glides under my warm hands and I pray for her as I slowly make contact with each inch of her tired skin. Being alive is exhausting, especially when you are doing it well. So, I pray for her health and for her legs – that they would be strong and sure. I pray for her heart and the blood flowing through her veins. I pray for her gut – that she would feed it well and listen to it even better.

As I am praying, she asks if she can rub my arms. She tells me to sit still and proceeds to run her excruciatingly soft, gentle, cool hands up and down my tired arms. And my heart breaks.

Glory.

The glory of a touch given with so much care and innocence and generosity.

My heart breaks into one zillion pieces and I like it.

My spirit and my skin pull tight against each other, no empty spaces, only wholeness. Tears spring to my eyes. I smile. This is what it feels like to be real

…to have my physical world and my spiritual world alight with electrical impulses connecting me to me.

 *****

When your body takes action, connect your spirit with that action. Commit your whole self to the present moment. When you hold someone’s hand, make sure your personality is in that hand too. Make it mean something.

When your spirit processes life, include physical activity in the process. Deep breathing changes everything. Sweat cleans more than just skin. Touch matters. Include your physical life in your spiritual life and witness real change in the overall enjoyment you experience.

*****

If God came to earth in a human body, there is no stronger word to be spoken about the goodness of skin and bones.

God came in the form of Jesus.
And, well, it could be said that God is on earth within the form of YOU as well.

“Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”
1 Cor 3:16

 

So you can touch me | www.1000strands.com

Touch me, please

Touch is not always a demand. Sometimes, it is a request for care and connection. Sometimes, most of the time, it is soul care deep down. 

Boudoir Pictures Story

Posted on by Nicole

Why take boudoir pictures?
How to make taking boudoir pictures great?
What to look for in a great photographer?

*****

Boudoir Pictures. Why take them?

There are lots of reasons people do the things they do… but why on earth would an ordinary, smart person dress up in lingerie and try to be sexy for a professional photographer?

It’s similar to why people run marathons.

You could just run, you know. You don’t have to pay anyone to let you run 26.2 miles. You can do that stuff for free! Running is free!

People sign up for marathons because it is a measurable goal (and it’s kinda cool to run in the middle of an empty street). More importantly, it’s a powerful experience to work hard and do something that scares you AND have other people helping and cheering you on.

well… in regards to boudoir photos…it’s kinda the same thing.

You can be naked or even partially naked for FREE! You get that body for free! (well, most people do)

You don’t even have to pay anyone to take pictures of you. You probably have a phone with a selfie camera. You can hold that sucker just right and get a pretty good shot of your booty or smile or cleavage. It can be pretty powerful to take a picture and find your face or body attractive – especially when it is not an easy, natural decision for you to be in pictures.

I know, we’ve all seen so many women’s ridiculous selfies that we are pretty turned off to the idea, BUT you could take pictures of yourself and feel empowered and beautiful. It’s possible.

Don’t let other people’s drama reduce your story.

*****

(keep reading, I think this part is kinda helpful)

So, on a personal level, why take “Boudoir Photos”? Why take professional pictures that you and your partner would find beautiful and sexy?

The answer is in the question.

Because they are beautiful and sexy.

And, with the right photographer, they are a vulnerable, intimate, beautiful, sexy representation of YOU.

You, doing something brave. You, letting your spirit and soul shine in your eyes. You, using your whole body to communicate courage, playfulness, beauty, desire. You.

Have you ever shared a journal entry with your spouse? Or a painting or a poem? Come home from getting a new haircut you really love? Have you gotten dressed up and stood in the doorway waiting for your eyes to meet? Do you remember what it felt like to say “I love you” for the first time?

Taking the right “boudoir” pictures is a tiny bit little like that.

 

Vulnerability, Beauty, and Bravery | 1000strands.com

*****

My recent story.

I had been thinking about hiring a photographer for a boudoir-type shoot for over a year. I’d watched Groupons go by. I sent a few self-made photos via Avocado to my Love. But I was, honestly, dragging my feet on having professional pictures taken because…because, why?

I wasn’t feeling “worth it”… I wasn’t feeling “my best.” I wanted to look somehow better or at least feel better before I hired someone to take what are “supposed” to be “beautiful pictures”. (“quotes” make me feel better when being “vulnerable.”)

 

And then an old friend wrote to me out of the blue.

“I have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and I love it. It’s a great blog with a beautiful message…

…Our mission at Eye-Kandie is to show every woman how beautiful she truly is, to feel confident and comfortable in her own skin. Our desire is to enhance marriages, help heal broken relationships and restore and create a healthy self-image. We have been blessed with the creativity and resources to help women take his breath away all over again; creating classy and artistic images that will freeze time. Lastly, our goal is to provide a safe environment that is edifying and uplifting for the everyday woman. When women contact us for a boudoir session, it’s because they are ready to accept their bodies for what it is, right now, in this moment of their lives. Their bodies are beautiful NOW, just the way it is. The way HE sees their body.”

See, this friend is a photographer and it had been years since we spoke. In those years, God and her gut took her into an area of photography she didn’t realize would become her great ministry and passion.

She specializes in boudoir photography and asked if we could partner up. She would take my pictures and I would write the story of the experience.

Over coffee, we shared our kindred passion to see women embrace their own bodies and enjoy being alive. My friend Jeni and her business partner Sarah at Eye-Kandie, explained their process and the care they take to make sure each woman feels safe and empowered. They offer different locations, options to change outfits, hair and make-up (only to the level the client wants), and lots of guidance (i.e. encouragement and friendship) to help create the best experience and photos.

I said yes. I said yes to partnering up because I was excited to work with them. These are women who are smart and passionate and talented. After talking with Jeni & Sarah, I felt like I could put my (literal) self and my writing on the line with integrity.

If you are in Southern California, I would highly recommend Jeni at Eye-Kandie as your boudoir photographer. If you are far, far away… here’s what she did that was so great and what you should look for in a photographer.

Lots of creative, thoughtful preparation.

  1. She asked me what I wanted and gave me time to think about it. She started a Pinterest board where I could pin pictures that inspired me, that I loved, that were more than just “pictures” and were really the kind of art I wanted to create. We also pinned hair and make-up pictures so I didn’t have to worry that I’d look like someone else in my pictures. She got to know me.
  2. Her goal was my best experience. This included getting the best shots but never at the expense of my comfort. I filled out a questionnaire about my favorite parts of me, my husbands favorite parts, the parts I am shy about, the reason I want to do this, how much skin I was comfortable showing.
  3. All the prices were up front and I never had a doubt about their professionalism. If you have a doubt about a photographer, don’t do it. These people have to be responsible with your mostly-nude pictures. If they are not responsible in the prep process, get out.

Care and Artistry in the process

  1. I was a whole human throughout the entire process; never just a body. I did boudoir pictures years ago where I felt like I was taking school pictures but naked (doesn’t that just sound like the worst nightmare ever!). The photographer posed my hands and head and told me how to move my face. You want a photographer who allows freedom of movement and expression BUT still gives you guidance, pose options, small changes to get your best angles.
  2. Are they thinking through pictures your husband will love AND pictures you will love? There are angles and options that just hit the “YES” button for dudes. Those same pictures can feel a little extreme or false to a woman. A great photographer will talk about pictures he will love and ones you will love.

The Hardest Part – reviewing the pictures

  1. Ask the photographer how you will review the pictures. How many photos will there be? Where are you when you look at them? How long do you have to decide which ones you love?
  2. This is just the hardest part. Jeni was wonderful throughout it. Sitting and looking at pictures of your bare (in every way) self is difficult, but trying to form opinions on which ones are “better” and analyzing them is excruciating. You want a photographer who is patient and offers their opinion only when you ask. You want someone who pre-edits all the awkward ones OUT (I had a different previous session years ago where the photographer showed me ALL the pictures she took… pictures of me changing positions, making faces… I’ll never recover.)
  3. Most of all, you want someone who has the same goal as you throughout. That’s what got me about Jeni’s email and her mission statement. I knew we had the same goal with our art: Beauty and Freedom for all women.

 
Here’s the deal. Because I was lucky enough to partner with Jeni and Sarah at Eye-Kandie, any of you who are local and ready to do this… contact Eye-Kandie and mention me. You’ll get a $$ discount off whatever you choose to purchase with them.

AND I’d like to do something to help too.

The first 10 people to book boudoir pictures with Eye-Kandie, I would be honored to do a 30 min Skype call as you prepare to help cheer you on and answer any questions. 

I believe I am probably the only female pastor writing positively about boudoir pictures at this very second. (if not, let me know!)

“The way HE {God} sees their body” – as Jeni said in her email … That matters. That is grace and goodness and Creation and freedom and God and beauty and bravery. 

Your Body Is Good | www.1000strands.com

Yes, I believe in God.
Yes, I believe your body is Good.
Yes, I believe boudoir pictures can be edifying and beautiful and actually an incredibly holy thing.

I love my pictures and I will share more next week (appropriately, of course). 

 -Nicole

The Best Reasons to Take Boudoir Pictures

Posted on by Nicole

Hi there, Loves!

Boudoir Pictures are like tattoos. It seems like everyone’s getting them.

But, why? And what is the BEST reason to take Boudoir Photos? Didn’t your mom warn you never to have naked pictures taken?

Well, if you do them for the right reasons, they cannot be used against you.

The best reason to have professional boudoir pictures taken is FOR YOU. When you get them for you, they take on deeper significance and empowerment.

Let’s talk about 3 purely personal reasons you might take boudoir photos:

  1. Each step of the process requires bravery and vulnerability and those things = WINNING AT LIFE. There’s a sense of accomplishment that you did something scary, like jumping off a high dive or running a marathon.

  2. Boudoir pictures place you and your body in an arena only “sexy” people can go, so your brain must wrestle with believing YOU are sexy. In the process of taking the photos, you will think about your sensuality and how you can see yourself as beautiful in empowering ways.

  3. God sees you as “all beautiful” and these pictures are a spiritual exercise in believing Him. You act on the truth of your beauty and you have physical proof of your faith.

*****

Sit down, relax, and let me tell you a story.

Once there was a girl who didn’t like her body. She didn’t like the look of it. It wasn’t what she ordered. 

She tried and tried to love it and take care of it, but it never quite fit.  She’d all but given up, when one day she was reading and came upon a message that changed everything: 

“All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you.”
Song of Solomon 4:7

You should know, she was a girl who believed in God – a God who created everything, including her. She believed this God made good things and loved her very much. If this was all true, then perhaps she was made well— without flaw, even. 

But she realized that she lived as if she were covered in flaws. Flaws in her skin, in her shape, in her size… even in the way she sometimes held her head crooked or had a double chin when she laughed really hard. 

What if she were ALL beautiful – without flaw? well, That felt absurd. But she sat with it and prayed, “Show me how you see me, God.”

And He slowly began to peel away the layers of lies.

I write about beauty a lot. I write about sex a lot. I write because that is how I process life. I write online because I have an artist’s heart and always hope my creations matter to one other human.

But it is not JUST writing or wishful prayer that changes me each day. It is in my habits {both physically and mentally}.

So, I do yoga. I even do this yoga when no one is watching. I allow sex to be both a physical and a spiritual practice. And I take big steps towards placing my own self into situations I would ONLY do if I believed I was beautiful. 

I take big steps towards placing my own self into situations I would ONLY do if I believed I was beautiful. 

Because I want to believe God and I want to be free.

We need to take action if we want to see change. We cannot go a different direction without taking steps. That’s called standing still. I wanted to MOVE into new ground. I was sick and tired of feeling bad about my body so I have been taking steps.

And now you know one major leap I took to help me see myself as a beautiful daughter of God.

Saying YES to a boudoir session with a sensitive, empowering photographer helped me take a major step forward in seeing myself as a beautiful woman. No joke. Those pictures are even more for ME than for my husband (and that’s saying a lot).

 

We will define boudoir pictures as: photographs where you are vulnerable, intimate, playful, sensual, and mostly undressed.

Boudoir Ideas // www.1000strands.com

For me, Boudoir pictures are not just a fad or a fantastic gift for your Love. They are an active step toward seeing your own beauty. You are placing yourself in a situation that you would ONLY do if you were attractive and sexy… “without flaw.”

In the preparation, in the actual photoshoot, and then in the viewing of the pictures, I was confronted with the lies I believed about myself.

What were those lies? I’m sure you know your own well…

That I was not worth looking at “in that way.” That I was being ridiculous taking “this kind” of picture. That I was honestly really lumpy and unattractive and it is embarrassing that I’m trying to be sexy. That it would be hard for the photographer to get a good picture of this body. That my husband would have to lie and tell me these pictures look hot. That it’s better to hide myself than show what my body looks like.

But,

I placed myself in an immediate and safe situation where I had to stand up under those lies, and in faith develop eyes that saw my own beautifully created body and soul… eyes that see me as a well-made part of creation and to even be so brave as to see myself as attractive and sexy.  It was not easy and never will be…

BUT IT IS CHANGING.

Regardless of your relationship status; having vulnerable, beautiful pictures taken of you is a powerful tool towards seeing your own beauty.

In the next couple weeks, I will write more on how to prepare for a boudoir-style photoshoot, what makes a great photoshoot, how to get the best pictures, how to make the entire process a meaningful & even spiritual experience, and what my time was like with my photographer.

Also, P.S. Even if you never take professional “boudoir” pictures… even if you maybe just try to take a selfie today without hating it, that is a step forward. My friend Melissa Hawks at Bedlam Magazine takes rad selfies that make me jealous in the best ways.

Place yourself in dreams you would only live if you believed you were beautiful

 Like the face you've been given
Want to read more? Try this one! I dare you to look.

Wives Submit to Your Husbands

Posted on by Nicole

Submission.

It’s a dirty word to some.  It’s a holy word to others.

but can I tell you something…?

I have found new life in it. Let me explain.

*****

“Wives, it should be no different with your husbands. Submit to them as you do to the Lord.”
– Ephesians 5

Submit.

^^That word burns^^

It burns because it seems to go against every other thing I know about our freedom.  Jesus is supposed to bring a new kind of life:  A free life. A life of fullness and joy and grace and love.  A life where there are no power struggles because all people are equal and valued. A life where sharing a meal with your enemy or allowing the lowest to have the highest honor, is THE WAY. This is the life I want to live.

“Submit” feels like control and loss of identity.

“Submit” feels like a foot on your neck and a gag in your mouth.

“Submit” feels like a kennel you whimper in while your owners go on vacation.

“Submit” is the exact opposite of freedom.

 

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Gal 5:1

 

So, how do I submit and still live the full, free, wild life of joyful rebellion?

The key came to me just a couple weeks ago and it has blown wide open my relationship to God and to my husband.

 

As a writer, performer, actress, speaker I SUBMIT my work and my art to companies and publications that I admire.

I put my heart and soul into my presentation, proposal, or piece of writing and I SUBMIT it.  

I am submitting to that website. I am submitting to that magazine. I am submitting to that church ministry…  for a chance to be accepted and then presented in new, expanded, and exciting ways.

When I submit something, I am saying “Here.  Here is a piece of me.  What do you think?  Will you accept it?  Will you take this piece and make it grow – make it even better than it could have been if it stayed inside of me or locked in a drawer somewhere?”

Imagine a book you have written. Your blood, sweat, tears, hopes and dreams are all in that book. An author knows, that book is you in a lot of ways – at least a part of you.  You send it off as a submission to an agent or a publisher.  You say, “This is what I have to offer. I have been brave and I have worked hard.  Will you take this and help it become something bigger and better than I ever dreamed it could be?”

This is the kind of submission I can believe in. Do you see it with God?

Submit to the Lord: I work hard. I am brave. I am honest and covered in terrified freedom, but I am presenting myself – all of me – to God. I say to God, “Here.  Here is all of me.  What do you think?  Will you accept it?  I am fearful but I will not hide myself anymore. This is what I have to give.  Will you take it and help me grow – make me even better than I ever dreamed I could be?”

This is the kind of submission I can live in my marriage.

Wives submit to your husbands: I am submitting myself to my husband – all of me.  I am brave and free. I work hard to be the best I can be everyday.  Then, with a mixture of confidence and humility, hope and love, I submit myself to him.  It is not a groveling. It is an offering.   There will always be things I wish were different. Like any artist, I know the limits of my skills, but I am just me.  I can only be me.  

Submitting means being willing to stop hiding.  You can write a book and never show anyone. You can be married and never really show your spouse your whole, true self; or you can put it all out there – all your words and body and skin and dreams.   

This is as beautiful as I am.
This is as graceful as I am.
This is as brave as I am.
This is as broken as I am.
This is as scared as I am.
This is as complicated as I am.

Will you accept me and catapult me to a new level of freedom and success as a child of God?

^^^^That is a Godly marriage^^^^

 

Maybe Submission is Romance

Submission is Romance

To you I give … ME. I give my best, my worst, my ugly and my beautiful. To you, like sunlight on a tight flower, I open.  To you I turn and face and unfurl until there is no fear left, only wide stretched petals of soul and body and spirit and breath. To you I show the center of me – the part where new life is born.  To you I say, Here I am.

And you respond by receiving. You take me and instead of using me up, you expand me.  I submit myself to you and I bloom because of your love.

God calls us to more. By submitting to God, we are offering to live brave, open, daring lives – where each day we show up and give our everything.  By submitting to each other, we are called to more  – more freedom, more confidence, more beauty, more strength, more vulnerability, more adventure. 

In a loving marriage, we have someone to speak to us and touch us with the love of God, the kind that takes our submission not as a neck to stand on but as a beauty and power to expand.

“Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: – you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
― E.E. Cummings

*****

If you are interested in finding more bravery and freedom in your own life and marriage, take a look at my eCourse, LOVE AND MAKING IT  – there is a class starting soon.

One Word Rebel

Posted on by Nicole

{{New LOVE and MAKING IT course now open for registration! GET THE SCOOP HERE!}}

*****

v. Rebel

This one’s for the good kids.

The good girls with their modest shirts and shorts under skirts.  The good boys with their zipped pants and respectful words.

The ones who bent over backwards to save another. Did their homework. Did all the group projects themselves. Said no to drugs and yes to Jesus. Or mostly no to drugs and mostly yes to Jesus.

This one’s for the kids who missed their chance to have “wild days” of sowing their oats. Who never yelled back at their parents, never came home late, always played by the rules. This one’s for all those good kids who are now adults and the stakes are just too high to go wild, when you have bills and a family and a job you desperately need.

I am one of you. I missed my chance to rebel. My family needed stability and had been through enough turmoil. I decided, deep in my bones, to be a good girl and not make anything harder for anyone else ever ever ever. I would make life easier and better for all the people. I would get good grades, do as I’m told, show up on time, and smile when I was mad.  I would save myself for marriage and stay sober while others drank beer and ate live goldfish.

I was a good girl.

Then I had kids.

And my own beautiful children are teaching me to rebel. Quickly, in the first year of motherhood, I used up every ounce of responsibility and goodness I had artificially created. I used up all my stores, all my reserves. Those kids and their wild selfishness drove me straight into the center of my own storm of needs.

And I rebelled, in starts and spurts. I pushed hard into spontaneity. Hard into living in the moment. Hard against eating my vegetables. Hard against doing chores and needing to keep the kitchen clean. Ah, Cleaning: The little pressure-release valve on my growing, filling rebellion tank.  Nope. Not doing it.

But, I was rebelling against the wrong things.

I think God is a wild parent. I think He loves our rebellious streaks because we got them from Him. He just wants us to channel that strength and fierceness into a rebellion that looks more like freeing the captives and less like teenagers at a house party.

When I first started dreaming about what my ONE WORD would be this year, I thought it was REBEL  Finally, I would stop rebelling against taking care of myself or doing my chores and I would rebel like a girl who believes God is real.  Rebel against oppression. Rebel against anyone who claims power over another human being. Rebel against old definitions of beauty. Rebel against rules that shrink men and women. Rebel against false idols. Rebel against hate. Rebel against limits … but then I taught LOVE & MAKING IT and I was given a new word… ANOINTED. 

…. this word is not just for me because it is for all of us.  Anointed to free the captives and give sight to the blind…

 

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace—a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—and to comfort all who mourn, to care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquet of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit…. Isaiah 61

 

The Spirit of the Lord is on Me, because He has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim freedom to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed… Luke 4:18

 

This one’s for the good kids – for the ones still sitting in their cells, quiet and small. The ones who over-eat because it feels like freedom, but it is still slavery. The ones who feel the needs of other people even stronger than their own.

It’s time. The doors are unlocked. It’s your turn. Let’s go.

We are free. Throw off the old rules. Go wild. Rebel. Run fast. Laugh loudly. Hug fiercely. Speak up! Use the full volume of your voice to proclaim FREEDOM.  I will yell as loudly as I can. If you hear me, yell out freedom to everyone within earshot too. On and on we will go until we are all free from the powers that try and keep us blind and oppressed.

You are beautiful.

You are rich.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are free.

But we have been captive for so long that we are walking on wobbly, hesitant legs – still believing the lies of our oppressors that Jesus did not live and there is no resurrection, that the rules of the power-hungry culture are still true – you are poor and ugly and worthless and small. 

Are the last really first? Are all people now equal? Are you sure I am beautiful? Are you sure I am free? Can I really want what I want? Am I worth all this?

 

yes!

{{This is why I love helping women make a workshop and a playground of their marriage beds.  This is why we are starting a community for ALL women in May.}}

YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are not alone. Let’s work out our salvation together – when the fear and trembling of these wild, wide open spaces is too much for our wobbly legs, we will link arms and keep going. It’s not too late to start rebelling for the right things.

 

*****

If you are married or nearly married and want a great, wide open place to experience freedom and beauty – check out LOVE and MAKING IT.  We have a new class starting April 10th and it is all about rebelling in the BEST possible ways. How do we move from modesty to passionate freedom? How do we speak for ourselves? How do we use our bedrooms as a place of growth and connection rather than obligation or limits?  What could sex be like? Are you experiencing it to the fullest?  Come check out this class!!!

If you are single or just want a class where every kind of woman is welcome, wait just a few more days… IT’s COMING!  🙂

Love and Making It in Spring 2014 is starting

Love and Making It in Spring

Posted on by Nicole

Love and Making It in Spring session is over… but we have something hot coming this summer.

*****

 

Love and Making It – All Women – July 1st {single, married, don’t matter}

Love and Making It – For Couples – June 21st {for both partners to do together}

*****

Listen. We are bombarded with sights and sounds that tell us we are just not good enough and neither is our spouse. Let’s rebel against all of those messages together.

Let Love and Making It give you hope and show you the beauty you already have inside AND out – whether you are single or married.

If you are married, let Love and Making It help you and your spouse find the fun and desire and communication skills to really take your sex life to the next level.

Interested? Let us know. We are want to start a revolution… a rebellion… where all the people who thought they were disqualified from the “good” or “sexy” or “beautiful” life ALL get together and say, “Starting TODAY we are making new rules.”

We can show you how. This is about us choosing ourselves because it’s just a total waste to let one more day go by feeling bad about any of it.

Sign up to be the first to hear more info on classes and for a few inspirational words to make tomorrow even better than today. 

(your time is precious. I have over 50,000 unread emails in my personal email from unnecessary things I signed up for.  The emails you get from 1,000 Strands will be infrequent and useful and your information will be private)

YES! Beauty and Good Sex are important to me

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BEAUTY IS YOURS

THIS IS THE POST FOR OUR SPRING CLASS BUT IT’LL GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT… KEEP READING.

 

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees. – Pablo Neruda

 

LOVE and MAKING IT in Spring

(If you already know you are ready to join us, scroll to the bottom to sign up now.)

Love and Making It in Spring 2014 is starting

It’s time, my friend.  It’s time for a renewed sense of wonder and connection to spring up in you.  It’s time for your body to feel like home.  It’s time for you to have greater experiences in your body than you thought were possible.  It’s time to feel more awake, satisfied, open, and passionate.

What is the Love and Making It eCourse all about?

Well, sex, mostly. And your body. And your fears. And your marriage. And your sense of humor. And how sex can actually be medicine and dessert.  How sex can be more than an obligation or something you do when you love someone and are not currently angry with them… How you can feel sexy and fulfilled NOW in THIS BODY. 

 

It’s time to love your body. It’s just time.

It’s time to look forward to having sex with your husband. It’s just time.

It’s time to learn ways to overcome the obstacles in your sex life. It’s just time.

It’s time to switch from fixing yourself to enjoying yourself. It’s just time.

We spend so much time, money and energy trying to get fit, get smart, get holy, get beautiful… Get through it, Get over it, Get it out of the way.

This class is different. This class is not about getting – although you will get some.  This class is about being given gifts.

You will be given gifts. The gifts of FREEDOM, SEX, BEAUTY, SAFETY, COURAGE, PLAY… you will finally own your body and sensuality in a way that allows you to give your whole self – not out of obligation or routine – but out of a bubbling, joyful, sexy desire to share.

In the body you have RIGHT NOW, you can feel beautiful and have truly great sex.

Do not let fear or busyness stop you from receiving this gift.

After years of research and indepth conversations with 100’s of women, I know this class, and the space it creates, literally changes lives and marriages… not because I am awesome (which we can discuss further) but because this way of looking at our sexuality and our bodies works.  This is not a prescription, it is a new description of how all of this is meant to be – how we were designed for so much more {in bed}. 

 

 **********

A few words from past classmates:

“I think the thing about this class that has given me the most hope is that there is no assumption that some people will never get there, which is the message often given. Here, it has always been ‘Yes you can. And here’s how. And it will be uncomfortable but keep going.'”

**

“He looked at me and said, “I’m SO glad you are taking this class. Because no matter how many times I tell you these things, I know you can’t hear them from me. I’m so glad you’ve heard them from Nicole.” We went on to have the most amazing, connected time together ever. EVER. I’m celebrating because even though there have been high highs and low lows throughout this course, we have never had a dialogue that open about this, and I have never felt so connected to him and to my body before.”

**

“So even though I knew we were both so exhausted, I said to my husband, “Can we go to bed together tonight?” and when he asked why I said, “I really need to feel connected to you tonight, I really need to have sex and be held and know we’re in this together” and I was super nervous, but he didn’t shame me or question it or anything. We just put our laptops away and went to bed. And last night nothing changed with our situation,  but something holy happened. I felt connected and known by  my hubs in a new way. I finally got what Nicole’s been talking about when she says sex can be therapy and healing.”

**

“I have waited for these words for ten years. Asked the question “what in the world is sex? Why would God make it? What does it have to do with his heart??” It always seemed a separate thing from him, from relationship with him. Shocking, yes. But I’m ready to engage it. Thank you.”

**

“Nicole, I hope you plan on offering this regularly! My husband and I do premarital mentoring at our church and I just suggested your course as a resource for our ladies.”

**

“This is epic….transformational!”

**

“And then after we made love last night and were laying there a realization hit me. I told him that I feel as if I am waking up from a long sleep. That my whole body has been asleep, numb, and that I feel connected to myself again. Being awake is wonderful!”

**

“My husband said Nicole is a genius!”

**

“Nicole that is a huge breakthrough. Huge. Your influence led to REAL, practical, hands on healing.”

**

“I was raw. I told him what I was missing and needed. We decided to give ourselves permission to laugh in bed as we navigate our physical challenges. We are just now getting out of bed and one of his last comments was “thank you for being brave and telling me what you were feeling. I think this is a new day for us.”

**

“Your love and making it series is setting me free. My husband has never felt so loved and frankly I have never been more satisfied. I think this is your gift. I want you to talk about bodies and sex all day every day because your truth is seriously beautiful and deeply needed.”

 

**********

 

If you think the church only gave you instructions on how to NOT have sex, but never the tools to help you LOVE sex, take this course with me.

If you need a reboot in your sex life, take this course.

If you love your husband more than life, but still don’t always look forward to having sex, take this course.

If you need a safe community of women to talk with about sex and body challenges, take this course.

If you want to find new, fun ways to make sex hot, take this course.

If you want to turn to your husband in a few weeks and say, “Honey, I have a headache. Can we please have sex?” Take this course.

 

HOW WE WILL DO THIS THING beginning April 10th:

  • 28 Days of PASSIONALS (A Worksheet/Love Letters to inspire and challenge and ignite you… Think of it like a waterfall of new, beautiful ways to see yourself and sex.)

  • 4  Live Video Workshops where we discuss the Passionals and other issues that have come up in your class. (Recorded in case you miss any.)

  • A Secret Facebook group where we will cheer each other on, laugh, share our stories and basically talk daily about all the amazing things you are doing throughout the month.

**After you sign up, you will also have the chance to sign up for a one-on-one coaching call with Nicole**

 

THE COST:

For the 28 days of Passionals, workshops and daily support the class price is $65.  

As with all my courses, there are a few scholarships available. Please send an email to 1000strands@gmail.com if you want to apply for a scholarship.

WHAT TO DO NOW:

SIGN UP TODAY. Use the button below to go to Paypal and please fill out the form below with the email you use on FB so I can add you to the cozy secret group.  Any questions? Email me at 1000strands@gmail.com




 

Sign up for “Love and Making It in Spring”

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check out the Love and Making It eCourse

Never Been More Satisfied

Posted on by Nicole

Love and Making It – the eCourse currently at full speed – is changing my life more than I thought possible because it is changing the lives of the women who took a giant step of bravery and signed up.  We are asking hard questions and connecting with our spouses. We are cheering for each other, praying for each other, and laughing HARD with each other. Most of all, though, people are finding hope.

“My husband has never felt so loved and frankly I have never been more satisfied.”

“The very thing that has caused so much pain and fear could be the method by which those wounds are healed. whoa.”

(And that is just a couple comments. I am floored by the amazing things happening in this course.)

Thank you to everyone who has expressed interest in taking the next course AND to the single women who have told me I MUST include them next time… AS YOU WISH.

LOVE AND MAKING IT – a course on feeling brave and beautiful {in bed} will start another round in the spring. (Read about it here and here)

BABES IN GODLAND – a course on feeling brave and beautiful {in your body}.  We will focus on feeling alive, well-made, beautiful, and sensual regardless of relationship status.

There are so many messages we have learned about what “sexy” is and how we are supposed to act as women and as people pursuing the mysteries of God.  These classes are a call to freedom and healing for our WHOLE selves.

*****

“I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.” – Pablo Neruda

I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” Song of Solomon 5:2

*****

Interested in an eCourse? Sign up for more information

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Are you a Red Panda or a Firefox?

Posted on by Nicole
Red Panda Picture

photo from (http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html)

 

Do you know what this animal is called?

The scientific name: Ailurus fulgens

 

red_panda

In most zoos these animals are labelled as “Red Panda” or “Cat-Bear”.

Red Panda… this name conjures up certain images in our heads.  Images of cuddles and fur, cuteness and sweetness, like the best pet you will never have.  You’d definitely offer to hug a Red Panda.  I’d build a tree in my bedroom just to have Red Pandas sleep on it all day.

 

 

http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

 

Red Panda

Cute, Cuddly, Sweet, Safe

*****

Names matter.  What we label something gives it meaning and subtext.  It changes how we treat it.  Language is subconsciously very powerful.

 

This animal has another name: Firefox

 

Photo from http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

Photo from http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

Now that’s an animal worth closer attention.  A Firefox is handsome, beautiful, mysterious. You respect a Firefox.  You do not own a firefox; she allows you into her presence.

Firefox

Brave, Mysterious, Beautiful, Wild

 *****

 

Are you a Red Panda or a Firefox?

You get to choose. The world does not get to decide for you who you are.  This crazy zoo may call you a Red Panda, but you know in your soul you are a Firefox – and a Firefox does not give a damn what anyone else thinks.  

Note: Jeff Corwin taught me that scientists have tried to categorize these animals into a larger group, but they defy categorization. They are not raccoons, cats, or bears. They are their own category.  You can be your own category. You do not have to fit into the box others have assigned to you.  People will try to fit you into something they know how to handle. Don’t worry about them. Just keep being your own foxy self.

 

Be the kind of parent you want to be.

Be the kind of spouse you want to be.

Be the kind of human you want to be.

Be the kind of beauty you want to be.

Be the kind of lover you want to be.

 

Firefox Art

 

 *****

 

 

New eCourse for Valentine’s Day

Posted on by Nicole

Love and Making It: Valentine’s Day Edition

An online course in feeling more beautiful and brave {in bed}

*****

CLASS IS NOW CLOSED. A NEW CLASS WILL START IN THE SPRING. EMAIL 1000STRANDS@GMAIL.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.

Love and Making It – Valentine’s Day Edition
28 Days to more Beauty and Freedom {in bed}


Then, don’t forget to email 1000strands@gmail.com
to let me know you are in!

*****

 

We think we have to love our bodies in order to really enjoy sex. But…

What if we had sex in order to enjoy our bodies?

What if our marriage {bed} could be the place where we bring our whole selves, without fear or pretense, to experience freedom, fun, excitement, healing, passion, and beauty… LIFE to the Fullest?

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

 

After talking with hundreds of women about this topic (online, in small groups, around dinner tables, in secret FB groups, and even on stage) I can tell you without a doubt that women, especially Christian women, are not at home in their bodies and not enjoying sex the way we could. I bet that doesn’t surprise you. We know we are not happy in our bodies. We know we drag ourselves to “business time” kinds of love making. We adore our husbands, but sex is just… complicated.

We go into the nights of our marriages with a familiar conversation between ourselves and our spouses… sometimes these happen out loud with the actual husband… sometimes they are all in our minds.

“Hello, I am me. The me that you married.  Still me. I didn’t magically grow breasts or lose weight since last time we met here.”

“Hello, I know. I like you.”

“I’m all you’ve got, I suppose. Wanna have sex? I hear you like sex because, you know, you are a male. And I’m your only option. Sorry about that. Here. Here’s my body. Let’s do something with it, but I’m tired so please don’t take too long. And please ignore the ugly parts so you can get turned on and I can feel like a good wife. Ok? Bring the lubricant.”

There’s so much more for us! It does not have to stay that way! It can get so much better! Mind-blowingly better.

Join me for 28 days of support, counseling, laughs, hands-on activities, and soul-searching. In the end, you will feel more convinced than ever (maybe even for the first time) that YOUR BODY is BEAUTIFUL and the link between your body and your soul is much stronger than you knew.

Beautiful in Bed Question

You get to create your own world where YOU are the definition of beautiful. YOU are the definition of sexy. Your spouse is the definition of sexy! You are not his consolation prize. You are spectacular.

*****

This February, choose love for yourself and for your spouse. Come, spend a month with us as we learn to love this body and love with this body. It’s time to come alive {in bed}

*****

Love and Making It is designed to:

*Help identify what keeps us from enjoying sex

*Inspire us to excavate our desires and passions

*Free us from the lies we believe about our beauty and worth

*Give us tools and practices to help us find our BRAVE in bed

*Tattoo truths on our hearts so we never again forget how BEAUTIFUL we are

*extra bonus: Your husband will be very, very, very grateful and happy.

*****

WHEN: February 1-28, 2014

WHAT: Daily inspiration and prompts from Nicole. A specifically designed, confidential FB group for community and support. Three group video conference calls with everyone who can make it, designed to encourage and challenge.  One heart-to-heart with just Nicole.

WHO: Married women will get the most out of this course, but all are welcome.

PRICE: $28, Honesty, a Sense of Humor, CONFIDENTIALITY (there are 2 scholarships available for the money. No one can give you humor or integrity)

28 days – designed to provide a new freedom and beauty {in bed} for $28

(CLASS IS NOW CLOSED. A NEW CLASS WILL START IN THE SPRING. EMAIL 1000STRANDS@GMAIL.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.)

HERE’S HOW TO SIGN UP:

1. Pay through Paypal.




 

2. Send me an email at 1000strands@gmail.com letting me know you paid and MOST IMPORTANTLY with the email address you use on Facebook so I can find you and add you to the group.

Once you sign up, you will soon receive a welcome email from me and an invitation to the secret FB group that will start to heat up on January 31st. Be sure to send me an email at 1000strands@gmail.com with your name and Facebook email address.

I will close the sign ups on February 1st or when we reach our maximum.  I want to know each woman and talk to every one of you one-on-one so the class will be limited. SIGN UP TODAY!

Any questions? Email Nicole at 1000strands@gmail.com

**Plus! Because of a generous donor, we have 2 scholarships so please email me if you’re stuck in a really rough patch. (1000strands@gmail.com subject line “Love and Making It Scholarship)

Love-and-Making-it-ecourse1

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

Posted on by Nicole

Through the first season of Love and Making it, I discovered one important thing and it is this… most Christian women do not fully enjoy having sex.  Whether it’s our body image, past purity lessons, exhaustion, cultural messages, or a plethora of other issues, we have a hard time enjoying our sex lives to the fullest.

This is an immediate problem and one we need to address. Not only for our husbands but for our own lives.  Don’t give up on your body being and feeling GOOD. Everything God makes is good. He said so.  SIGN UP FOR THE NEW eCOURSE Starting February 1st!  GO HERE.

****

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

 

We think we have to love our bodies in order to enjoy sex. But…

What if we had sex in order to enjoy our bodies?

 

What if sex was a way to care for your body instead of a way of demanding something from it?

No matter how you spend your day feeling – beautiful or terrible – about your body, you CAN let sex be a building up and not a stripping away of your self worth. 

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

We have it in our heads that we are supposed to be something specific before we can be sexy. We have it in our heads that we are supposed to feel a certain way before we can have great sex. This is only true as long as you believe it. The miraculous thing about a marriage and about the relationship between a loving and little-bit-brave couple, is that there really are no set rules.

You get to create your own world where YOU are the definition of beautiful. YOU are the definition of sexy. Your spouse is the definition of sexy too!  This is your game and no one can disqualify you from playing to the very end.

Do not let the rules of the fickle world define your marriage {bed}.

Sometimes we go into the nights of our marriages with a familiar conversation in our heads between ourselves and our spouses… sometimes these happen out loud with the actual husband… sometimes they are all in our minds.

“Hello, I am me. The me that you married.  Still me. I didn’t magically grow breasts or lose weight since last time we met here.”

“Hello, I know. I like you.”

“I’m all you’ve got, I suppose. Wanna have sex? I hear you like sex because, you know, you are a male. And I’m your only option. Sorry about that. Here. Here’s my body. Let’s do something with it, but I’m tired so please don’t take too long. And please ignore the ugly parts so you can get turned on and I can feel like a good wife. Ok? Bring the lubricant.”

It’s depressing.

It doesn’t have to be like this. It doesn’t.

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

You are not his consolation prize. You are spectacular. And I bet your husband knows it way better than you do. You can’t see your light and your beauty, but he can. He doesn’t want to have sex with you because he has no choice and you are his only relief from the need.  He wants to have sex with you because sex with you is like the best thing ever.

LISTEN… I did not say that sex is the best thing ever. I am assuming you are not married to a 15-year-old boy from Superbad.

Sex with YOU, is the best thing ever.

Imagine how you feel when you have a conversation where the other person really GETS you. You laugh til your face hurts. You create inside jokes. You admit a deep fear and they totally understand – they admit their own fear and you cry a moment together. At the end of the night, it feels like no time and an infinite time have gone by and your soul is at rest.

This is sex for your husband. And it can be for us too.

It can be a place of knowing and healing – like a great conversation. You come to it when you feel sad or happy, brave or shy, beautiful or ugly. You come to your marriage bed {which doesn’t have to be a bed} as yourself and you have the “conversation” with him. Some days it can be wild and fun. Some days it can be careful and healing. But we have to stop prejudging what sex is supposed to be like or we will never have any kind of sex but the obligatory kind. And that just sucks. Who wants that life?

We have to be willing to come to it as we are, with no qualifications except commitment and love. You are allowed to be loved like this.  <<<<<Bold, Italic, Underline.

You are allowed to be free and honest EVEN while making love.

What if the next time you have a headache, you said, “Honey, I have a headache, can we please have sex tonight?”  (Imagine!)

What if having a headache meant it was a good time to have sex?

 

What if sex was allowed to be as relaxing as a massage?

What if sex was allowed to be as invigorating as spin class?

What if sex was allowed to surprise you?

What if it could be whatever you needed like a great conversation with your best friend?

What if you were allowed to be loved just as you are in bed?

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

I’m just saying, you probably have rules about what making love is “supposed” to be like that maybe it’s time to question, because if you are married, this will always be a thing.

 Beautiful in Bed Question

 Beautiful in bed answer

****

I do not write from a place of all-knowing, either. I am just a girl who struggles hard with beauty and expectations. I always, always preach to myself.  I’ve been through injuries and depression and I’ve seen my marriage bed be a major place of care and fun and healing in the midst of all my “stuff” over the last five years {married for 14 years but the last 5 have demanded I look my fears and desires in the eyes} – and I want the same for your marriage too.

It is a month until Valentine’s Day – second only to your husband’s birthday as the day great sex is “supposed” to happen. Forget the “supposed to”!!!  For me, the best way to work through expectations, and a build-up like Valentine’s Day, is to get a jump start on them. So, this month we are going to start talking about LOVE and MAKING IT again so that by the time Valentine’s Day actually gets here, you’ve had so much fun with your spouse that it’ll just be one day in a sea of awesome days in bed together.  And in the long run, I hope you never feel obligated to have sex again.  Do it for you not just for him! After this month, sex will move from the “For Him” column and into the “For Us” or even the “For Me” column – because once we start looking at sex as something for us too, it will be way more fun.

****

I’m starting a 28 day online group and ecourse on February 1st –  where we can talk safely, confidentially, and openly about how to have more freedom and fun in {bed}.

SIGN UPS ARE NOW LIVE: Go HERE for the Class Info Page.

ALSO….
Obviously, there are a couple filters to read these Love and Making It posts through: I am married. I am female. I am straight. I believe in Jesus. These characteristics define the things I know and my experiences, but they do not mean I want to exclude other voices from this conversation.  Please always feel free to comment below or email me if you want to keep it between us.