Think About Sex – Step One

Posted on by Nicole

Day 1: How to have good sex? = Think about sex.

I don’t mean just “think about sex” like a soda erupting; shaking it up and then shooting sticky thoughts all over the place. (Those cans are small but they manage to cover everything when they explode. The same goes for sexual thoughts.)  No, no. I mean, think about sex in very specific ways: disciplined, new, brave ways.

First of all:

Who do you want to want to have sex with? (this is not a typo)

Who do you want to want to have sex with?  You may not want to have sex at all, especially if you do not like your own self (more on that soon). You may not want to have sex if you are angry with the person you’ve agreed to have sex with otherwise OR You may want to have sex with an inappropriate person.

Who do you need to start focusing your passionate + positive mental attention on?

 *****

Try This:

Name them. Write their name down in your own handwriting. Take time to form each letter. Imagine each letter as a part of them {their person + body} that you notice and trace.

Take the name of your spouse or beloved or even yourself and write it down.

This will move the image of them in your mind…  the thought of their existence, their soul, your history together… from your mind to your hand. Write their name in the physical world.

Notice how the thoughts in your head can connect to the actions of your body.  Notice how the movements can change and go fast or slow, hard or soft.  How did you write it? How could you write it differently a second time?  What if you wrote their name on your skin or asked them to write a meaningful word on you?

*****

There are so many things stuck to our skin {especially women}: thoughts and expectations and hurts… really, anything negative seems to stick like superglue and the positive things in life just slide right off. Women walk around the world with so many words on their skin, and usually those words are full of disappointment.

She comes to a moment in the night {or day} when all the stars have aligned and sex is about to happen … most likely… and as he reaches his hands to touch her skin, it’s not really her skin he makes contact with.  I mean, it’s her skin – but not the layer of her that connects to her soul.

There’s this tough, invisible layer of self-hatred and frustrations about life that covers almost every inch of our skin. This layer is impenetrable some days.  On those days, you may still have sex, but you don’t have sex that makes loving connections because you can’t touch each others’ vulnerable layers.

*****

So, where do we even start?  What do we do?

When your body feels like a disappointment and just a hand on your stomach or breast makes you flinch away?

When every dish you wash or sock you pick up is like angry armor you put on your skin that keeps you away from the person you want to love?

When your body has never had healthy pleasure just for pleasure’s sake and you have no idea where to start?

When you love your spouse, but you just do not like having sex?

*****

We will get to all of that hard stuff, but I know it helps me to start back at the beginning.  When it all feels overwhelming or confusing or frustrating, I sit down and start over. I let my brain and the rest of my body reconnect in a simple way. Try this exercise:

*****

Start here.

Make time to think about the one you love… in detail. Write their name. Write it a few times; write it like you are 14-years-old and falling in love. Feel each movement without judgment of “how” you are writing it (you perfectionist!).  Notice pressure and speed. Pray love into each specific part of their body as you write each specific letter of their name. Be present to how love can move from your brain to your fingers.

This is just the beginning.

 

 

****

www.1000strands.com

Photos by Jennifer Upton www.byjenniferupton.com

Want to see more great pictures of life through the lens of beauty and attention?

 

31 Days of Love and Making It

Posted on by Nicole

Hey Friends!

All throughout October I am participating in the Write 31 Days blogging challenge. For 31 days straight I will be writing daily on: LOVE & MAKING IT.

If you are new here, I often talk about Beauty and Sex, Bravery and New Perspectives. My passion is to talk about passion – the lack or the abundance – and if we can have 31 straight days of inspiration and conversation around sex… then EVERYONE WINS!

*****

{We are up and running… here’s a few of the posts in the series if you’d like to jump on in. You can always click on the LOVE AND MAKING IT link at the top to see all posts under that topic, as well.}

Push-Up Bra

In the Biblical Sense

Tickets to the Sex Show

Naked Whispering Gallery

And back to the original post…

*****

We think we have to love our bodies in order to really enjoy sex. But…

What if we had sex in order to enjoy our bodies?

What if our marriage {bed} could be the place where we bring our whole selves, without fear or pretense, to experience freedom, fun, excitement, healing, passion, and beauty… LIFE to the Fullest?

What if you were allowed to feel beautiful in bed?

*****

My hope is that by the end of October, we will all have 31 reminders about why God gave us bodies… and we’ll know better how to use them for GOOD.

 

Single?

Married?

Male?

Female?

Everyone is welcome.

 

Have questions about sex that you want me to address?
Tweet me:  @nicoletteromero

There’s just something good about being able to talk about anything without shame or guilt. There’s just something good about being proud of the BODY + SOUL you’ve got. There’s just something extra good about finding new ways to love and make it with your beloved.  Let’s talk about all that and more.

Come back everyday in October for inspiration on Love and Making It.

Wives Submit to Your Husbands

Posted on by Nicole

Submission.

It’s a dirty word to some.  It’s a holy word to others.

but can I tell you something…?

I have found new life in it. Let me explain.

*****

“Wives, it should be no different with your husbands. Submit to them as you do to the Lord.”
– Ephesians 5

Submit.

^^That word burns^^

It burns because it seems to go against every other thing I know about our freedom.  Jesus is supposed to bring a new kind of life:  A free life. A life of fullness and joy and grace and love.  A life where there are no power struggles because all people are equal and valued. A life where sharing a meal with your enemy or allowing the lowest to have the highest honor, is THE WAY. This is the life I want to live.

“Submit” feels like control and loss of identity.

“Submit” feels like a foot on your neck and a gag in your mouth.

“Submit” feels like a kennel you whimper in while your owners go on vacation.

“Submit” is the exact opposite of freedom.

 

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Gal 5:1

 

So, how do I submit and still live the full, free, wild life of joyful rebellion?

The key came to me just a couple weeks ago and it has blown wide open my relationship to God and to my husband.

 

As a writer, performer, actress, speaker I SUBMIT my work and my art to companies and publications that I admire.

I put my heart and soul into my presentation, proposal, or piece of writing and I SUBMIT it.  

I am submitting to that website. I am submitting to that magazine. I am submitting to that church ministry…  for a chance to be accepted and then presented in new, expanded, and exciting ways.

When I submit something, I am saying “Here.  Here is a piece of me.  What do you think?  Will you accept it?  Will you take this piece and make it grow – make it even better than it could have been if it stayed inside of me or locked in a drawer somewhere?”

Imagine a book you have written. Your blood, sweat, tears, hopes and dreams are all in that book. An author knows, that book is you in a lot of ways – at least a part of you.  You send it off as a submission to an agent or a publisher.  You say, “This is what I have to offer. I have been brave and I have worked hard.  Will you take this and help it become something bigger and better than I ever dreamed it could be?”

This is the kind of submission I can believe in. Do you see it with God?

Submit to the Lord: I work hard. I am brave. I am honest and covered in terrified freedom, but I am presenting myself – all of me – to God. I say to God, “Here.  Here is all of me.  What do you think?  Will you accept it?  I am fearful but I will not hide myself anymore. This is what I have to give.  Will you take it and help me grow – make me even better than I ever dreamed I could be?”

This is the kind of submission I can live in my marriage.

Wives submit to your husbands: I am submitting myself to my husband – all of me.  I am brave and free. I work hard to be the best I can be everyday.  Then, with a mixture of confidence and humility, hope and love, I submit myself to him.  It is not a groveling. It is an offering.   There will always be things I wish were different. Like any artist, I know the limits of my skills, but I am just me.  I can only be me.  

Submitting means being willing to stop hiding.  You can write a book and never show anyone. You can be married and never really show your spouse your whole, true self; or you can put it all out there – all your words and body and skin and dreams.   

This is as beautiful as I am.
This is as graceful as I am.
This is as brave as I am.
This is as broken as I am.
This is as scared as I am.
This is as complicated as I am.

Will you accept me and catapult me to a new level of freedom and success as a child of God?

^^^^That is a Godly marriage^^^^

 

Maybe Submission is Romance

Submission is Romance

To you I give … ME. I give my best, my worst, my ugly and my beautiful. To you, like sunlight on a tight flower, I open.  To you I turn and face and unfurl until there is no fear left, only wide stretched petals of soul and body and spirit and breath. To you I show the center of me – the part where new life is born.  To you I say, Here I am.

And you respond by receiving. You take me and instead of using me up, you expand me.  I submit myself to you and I bloom because of your love.

God calls us to more. By submitting to God, we are offering to live brave, open, daring lives – where each day we show up and give our everything.  By submitting to each other, we are called to more  – more freedom, more confidence, more beauty, more strength, more vulnerability, more adventure. 

In a loving marriage, we have someone to speak to us and touch us with the love of God, the kind that takes our submission not as a neck to stand on but as a beauty and power to expand.

“Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: – you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
― E.E. Cummings

*****

If you are interested in finding more bravery and freedom in your own life and marriage, take a look at my eCourse, LOVE AND MAKING IT  – there is a class starting soon.

One Word Rebel

Posted on by Nicole

{{New LOVE and MAKING IT course now open for registration! GET THE SCOOP HERE!}}

*****

v. Rebel

This one’s for the good kids.

The good girls with their modest shirts and shorts under skirts.  The good boys with their zipped pants and respectful words.

The ones who bent over backwards to save another. Did their homework. Did all the group projects themselves. Said no to drugs and yes to Jesus. Or mostly no to drugs and mostly yes to Jesus.

This one’s for the kids who missed their chance to have “wild days” of sowing their oats. Who never yelled back at their parents, never came home late, always played by the rules. This one’s for all those good kids who are now adults and the stakes are just too high to go wild, when you have bills and a family and a job you desperately need.

I am one of you. I missed my chance to rebel. My family needed stability and had been through enough turmoil. I decided, deep in my bones, to be a good girl and not make anything harder for anyone else ever ever ever. I would make life easier and better for all the people. I would get good grades, do as I’m told, show up on time, and smile when I was mad.  I would save myself for marriage and stay sober while others drank beer and ate live goldfish.

I was a good girl.

Then I had kids.

And my own beautiful children are teaching me to rebel. Quickly, in the first year of motherhood, I used up every ounce of responsibility and goodness I had artificially created. I used up all my stores, all my reserves. Those kids and their wild selfishness drove me straight into the center of my own storm of needs.

And I rebelled, in starts and spurts. I pushed hard into spontaneity. Hard into living in the moment. Hard against eating my vegetables. Hard against doing chores and needing to keep the kitchen clean. Ah, Cleaning: The little pressure-release valve on my growing, filling rebellion tank.  Nope. Not doing it.

But, I was rebelling against the wrong things.

I think God is a wild parent. I think He loves our rebellious streaks because we got them from Him. He just wants us to channel that strength and fierceness into a rebellion that looks more like freeing the captives and less like teenagers at a house party.

When I first started dreaming about what my ONE WORD would be this year, I thought it was REBEL  Finally, I would stop rebelling against taking care of myself or doing my chores and I would rebel like a girl who believes God is real.  Rebel against oppression. Rebel against anyone who claims power over another human being. Rebel against old definitions of beauty. Rebel against rules that shrink men and women. Rebel against false idols. Rebel against hate. Rebel against limits … but then I taught LOVE & MAKING IT and I was given a new word… ANOINTED. 

…. this word is not just for me because it is for all of us.  Anointed to free the captives and give sight to the blind…

 

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me. He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners. God sent me to announce the year of his grace—a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—and to comfort all who mourn, to care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquet of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit…. Isaiah 61

 

The Spirit of the Lord is on Me, because He has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim freedom to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed… Luke 4:18

 

This one’s for the good kids – for the ones still sitting in their cells, quiet and small. The ones who over-eat because it feels like freedom, but it is still slavery. The ones who feel the needs of other people even stronger than their own.

It’s time. The doors are unlocked. It’s your turn. Let’s go.

We are free. Throw off the old rules. Go wild. Rebel. Run fast. Laugh loudly. Hug fiercely. Speak up! Use the full volume of your voice to proclaim FREEDOM.  I will yell as loudly as I can. If you hear me, yell out freedom to everyone within earshot too. On and on we will go until we are all free from the powers that try and keep us blind and oppressed.

You are beautiful.

You are rich.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are free.

But we have been captive for so long that we are walking on wobbly, hesitant legs – still believing the lies of our oppressors that Jesus did not live and there is no resurrection, that the rules of the power-hungry culture are still true – you are poor and ugly and worthless and small. 

Are the last really first? Are all people now equal? Are you sure I am beautiful? Are you sure I am free? Can I really want what I want? Am I worth all this?

 

yes!

{{This is why I love helping women make a workshop and a playground of their marriage beds.  This is why we are starting a community for ALL women in May.}}

YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are not alone. Let’s work out our salvation together – when the fear and trembling of these wild, wide open spaces is too much for our wobbly legs, we will link arms and keep going. It’s not too late to start rebelling for the right things.

 

*****

If you are married or nearly married and want a great, wide open place to experience freedom and beauty – check out LOVE and MAKING IT.  We have a new class starting April 10th and it is all about rebelling in the BEST possible ways. How do we move from modesty to passionate freedom? How do we speak for ourselves? How do we use our bedrooms as a place of growth and connection rather than obligation or limits?  What could sex be like? Are you experiencing it to the fullest?  Come check out this class!!!

If you are single or just want a class where every kind of woman is welcome, wait just a few more days… IT’s COMING!  🙂

Love and Making It in Spring 2014 is starting

Love and Making It in Spring

Posted on by Nicole

Love and Making It in Spring session is over… but we have something hot coming this summer.

*****

 

Love and Making It – All Women – July 1st {single, married, don’t matter}

Love and Making It – For Couples – June 21st {for both partners to do together}

*****

Listen. We are bombarded with sights and sounds that tell us we are just not good enough and neither is our spouse. Let’s rebel against all of those messages together.

Let Love and Making It give you hope and show you the beauty you already have inside AND out – whether you are single or married.

If you are married, let Love and Making It help you and your spouse find the fun and desire and communication skills to really take your sex life to the next level.

Interested? Let us know. We are want to start a revolution… a rebellion… where all the people who thought they were disqualified from the “good” or “sexy” or “beautiful” life ALL get together and say, “Starting TODAY we are making new rules.”

We can show you how. This is about us choosing ourselves because it’s just a total waste to let one more day go by feeling bad about any of it.

Sign up to be the first to hear more info on classes and for a few inspirational words to make tomorrow even better than today. 

(your time is precious. I have over 50,000 unread emails in my personal email from unnecessary things I signed up for.  The emails you get from 1,000 Strands will be infrequent and useful and your information will be private)

YES! Beauty and Good Sex are important to me

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BEAUTY IS YOURS

THIS IS THE POST FOR OUR SPRING CLASS BUT IT’LL GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT… KEEP READING.

 

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees. – Pablo Neruda

 

LOVE and MAKING IT in Spring

(If you already know you are ready to join us, scroll to the bottom to sign up now.)

Love and Making It in Spring 2014 is starting

It’s time, my friend.  It’s time for a renewed sense of wonder and connection to spring up in you.  It’s time for your body to feel like home.  It’s time for you to have greater experiences in your body than you thought were possible.  It’s time to feel more awake, satisfied, open, and passionate.

What is the Love and Making It eCourse all about?

Well, sex, mostly. And your body. And your fears. And your marriage. And your sense of humor. And how sex can actually be medicine and dessert.  How sex can be more than an obligation or something you do when you love someone and are not currently angry with them… How you can feel sexy and fulfilled NOW in THIS BODY. 

 

It’s time to love your body. It’s just time.

It’s time to look forward to having sex with your husband. It’s just time.

It’s time to learn ways to overcome the obstacles in your sex life. It’s just time.

It’s time to switch from fixing yourself to enjoying yourself. It’s just time.

We spend so much time, money and energy trying to get fit, get smart, get holy, get beautiful… Get through it, Get over it, Get it out of the way.

This class is different. This class is not about getting – although you will get some.  This class is about being given gifts.

You will be given gifts. The gifts of FREEDOM, SEX, BEAUTY, SAFETY, COURAGE, PLAY… you will finally own your body and sensuality in a way that allows you to give your whole self – not out of obligation or routine – but out of a bubbling, joyful, sexy desire to share.

In the body you have RIGHT NOW, you can feel beautiful and have truly great sex.

Do not let fear or busyness stop you from receiving this gift.

After years of research and indepth conversations with 100’s of women, I know this class, and the space it creates, literally changes lives and marriages… not because I am awesome (which we can discuss further) but because this way of looking at our sexuality and our bodies works.  This is not a prescription, it is a new description of how all of this is meant to be – how we were designed for so much more {in bed}. 

 

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A few words from past classmates:

“I think the thing about this class that has given me the most hope is that there is no assumption that some people will never get there, which is the message often given. Here, it has always been ‘Yes you can. And here’s how. And it will be uncomfortable but keep going.'”

**

“He looked at me and said, “I’m SO glad you are taking this class. Because no matter how many times I tell you these things, I know you can’t hear them from me. I’m so glad you’ve heard them from Nicole.” We went on to have the most amazing, connected time together ever. EVER. I’m celebrating because even though there have been high highs and low lows throughout this course, we have never had a dialogue that open about this, and I have never felt so connected to him and to my body before.”

**

“So even though I knew we were both so exhausted, I said to my husband, “Can we go to bed together tonight?” and when he asked why I said, “I really need to feel connected to you tonight, I really need to have sex and be held and know we’re in this together” and I was super nervous, but he didn’t shame me or question it or anything. We just put our laptops away and went to bed. And last night nothing changed with our situation,  but something holy happened. I felt connected and known by  my hubs in a new way. I finally got what Nicole’s been talking about when she says sex can be therapy and healing.”

**

“I have waited for these words for ten years. Asked the question “what in the world is sex? Why would God make it? What does it have to do with his heart??” It always seemed a separate thing from him, from relationship with him. Shocking, yes. But I’m ready to engage it. Thank you.”

**

“Nicole, I hope you plan on offering this regularly! My husband and I do premarital mentoring at our church and I just suggested your course as a resource for our ladies.”

**

“This is epic….transformational!”

**

“And then after we made love last night and were laying there a realization hit me. I told him that I feel as if I am waking up from a long sleep. That my whole body has been asleep, numb, and that I feel connected to myself again. Being awake is wonderful!”

**

“My husband said Nicole is a genius!”

**

“Nicole that is a huge breakthrough. Huge. Your influence led to REAL, practical, hands on healing.”

**

“I was raw. I told him what I was missing and needed. We decided to give ourselves permission to laugh in bed as we navigate our physical challenges. We are just now getting out of bed and one of his last comments was “thank you for being brave and telling me what you were feeling. I think this is a new day for us.”

**

“Your love and making it series is setting me free. My husband has never felt so loved and frankly I have never been more satisfied. I think this is your gift. I want you to talk about bodies and sex all day every day because your truth is seriously beautiful and deeply needed.”

 

**********

 

If you think the church only gave you instructions on how to NOT have sex, but never the tools to help you LOVE sex, take this course with me.

If you need a reboot in your sex life, take this course.

If you love your husband more than life, but still don’t always look forward to having sex, take this course.

If you need a safe community of women to talk with about sex and body challenges, take this course.

If you want to find new, fun ways to make sex hot, take this course.

If you want to turn to your husband in a few weeks and say, “Honey, I have a headache. Can we please have sex?” Take this course.

 

HOW WE WILL DO THIS THING beginning April 10th:

  • 28 Days of PASSIONALS (A Worksheet/Love Letters to inspire and challenge and ignite you… Think of it like a waterfall of new, beautiful ways to see yourself and sex.)

  • 4  Live Video Workshops where we discuss the Passionals and other issues that have come up in your class. (Recorded in case you miss any.)

  • A Secret Facebook group where we will cheer each other on, laugh, share our stories and basically talk daily about all the amazing things you are doing throughout the month.

**After you sign up, you will also have the chance to sign up for a one-on-one coaching call with Nicole**

 

THE COST:

For the 28 days of Passionals, workshops and daily support the class price is $65.  

As with all my courses, there are a few scholarships available. Please send an email to 1000strands@gmail.com if you want to apply for a scholarship.

WHAT TO DO NOW:

SIGN UP TODAY. Use the button below to go to Paypal and please fill out the form below with the email you use on FB so I can add you to the cozy secret group.  Any questions? Email me at 1000strands@gmail.com




 

Sign up for “Love and Making It in Spring”

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check out the Love and Making It eCourse

Sex is like a soufflé

Posted on by Nicole

http://www.zencancook.com

http://www.zencancook.com

Sex is like a souffle. A souffle is complicated and unique. It is difficult to get it to finish well. It takes preparation and forethought. You cannot be distracted or have your mind on something else while you are cooking a souffle. Use just the right ingredients at just the right temperatures. Beat and whip, but not too much. Fold and test until everything is perfect.  Practice. Know your oven and test the temperature. Keep trying. It’s worth it – for the enjoyment, taste, and accomplishment.

You are not a hot pocket.

You are a souffle.

http://scienceblogs.com/startswithabang/2009/05/20/the-physics-of-hot-pockets/

http://scienceblogs.com/startswithabang/2009/05/20/the-physics-of-hot-pockets/

Your body is not a package of fake meat and cheese (even if it feels like it some days) that you throw in a microwave oven, and it’s done in 3 minutes.  You are a souffle that takes time and practice and love to prepare. You don’t make a souffle because you are hungry right now. You make a souffle for the love of cooking something special.

 

If you are treating sex like a hot pocket meal, you are not doing it right.

People treat sex like “I wanna do it and you should wanna do it with me too”… “I have this need and I am gonna use you to fill it”… “Hungry. Need hot pocket.” 

Instead of treating sex like the deepest, sweetest, most liberating and fun conversation EVER.  If we spent time preparing ourselves and each other FOR each other, we would have a much better meal.  We wonder why we don’t want to have sex… but it is because we think it is a 3 minute heat up and BAM we are aroused and then orgasm and then done.  That’s just not how it was made to be – believe it or not.

 

We put more care into preparing a presentation at work or an outfit for an interview than we do for sex.

We put more care into thinking through why someone did or did not call us back than we do for sex.

We put more care and consideration into the paint color on the wall than we do for sex.

We put more care and heart into a conversation with a friend than we do for sex.

 

And then we wonder why we don’t want to have sex.

 

Why are some things worth the work and other things not??  Usually because we don’t understand what we will get out of the other things. We know what we can get out of a good job interview or a great color on our walls or a conversation with a friend.  But, honestly, what will you get out of sex except a little friction and connection and a few guilt-free days after…??

So so so so so much more. There is a wealth of love, depth, and pleasure that our bodies are made for and we have ignored out of fear and confusion.  There is a conversation full of nuance and care, adventure and learning, that we can have with our bodies – if we are willing to go at the right pace and with good preparation.

You are a souffle. You are meant to be enjoyed and savored, folded, kneeded, and delighted over.

If you are thinking you are a hot pocket (or being treated like one) of course you don’t want to have sex. If you put the ingredients for a souffle in the microwave, that would not turn out delicious. You would still be hungry.

Take the time to learn how to prepare yourself and your spouse. Take the time to learn your own favorite ingredients and JUST how to fold, kneed, and heat.  Actually finishing the meal is just punctuation at the end of a sentence you’ve been writing all along.

Rebel against the must-get-it-done push in our lives and go slow. Ask questions.  You CAN learn to enjoy your own body – married or not. Your body is not just utilitarian – it is beautiful, graceful, delightful, strong, receptive.  

 

((Full disclosure, I don’t love women-as-food metaphors… so forgive me if it offends your value as a woman. I just believe we forget the kind of preparation we are willing to put into other things because we don’t understand the goodness of sex.  You are way more than a souffle, Sister. ))

When the First Bud Blooms

Posted on by Nicole

 

Today is Anais Nin’s 111th Birthday. Let’s celebrate with some of her revolutionary words about living
a hot, free, brave, beautiful life!

 

*****

“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.”

*****

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

*****

“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?”

*****

“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”

*****

“You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. No, I think there was too rigid a pattern. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you’re not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I mean Gauguin decided at a certain point he wasn’t a banker anymore; he was a painter. And so he walked away from banking. I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things. They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now.”

*****

“I believe one writes because one has to create a world in which one can live.”

*****

“When one is pretending, the entire body revolts.”

*****

“I’m awaiting a lover. I have to be rent and pulled apart and live according to the demons and the imagination in me. I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.”

*****

“It is the function of art to renew our perception. What we are familiar with we cease to see. The writer shakes up the familiar scene, and, as if by magic, we see a new meaning in it.”

*****

“Life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage.”

*****

“Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.”

*****

“Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself.”

*****

“The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.”

*****

“I don’t really want to become normal, average, standard. I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, enjoy more, experience more. I want to develop even more original and more unconventional traits.”

*****

 

 

*****

*****

RESOURCES to find your bloom:

LOVE AND MAKING IT & BABES IN GODLAND

BE: Life and the Rest of It and STORY 101

(BE and Story 101 are “Buy one / Get one” until March 2 – go here to get BOTH)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never Been More Satisfied

Posted on by Nicole

Love and Making It – the eCourse currently at full speed – is changing my life more than I thought possible because it is changing the lives of the women who took a giant step of bravery and signed up.  We are asking hard questions and connecting with our spouses. We are cheering for each other, praying for each other, and laughing HARD with each other. Most of all, though, people are finding hope.

“My husband has never felt so loved and frankly I have never been more satisfied.”

“The very thing that has caused so much pain and fear could be the method by which those wounds are healed. whoa.”

(And that is just a couple comments. I am floored by the amazing things happening in this course.)

Thank you to everyone who has expressed interest in taking the next course AND to the single women who have told me I MUST include them next time… AS YOU WISH.

LOVE AND MAKING IT – a course on feeling brave and beautiful {in bed} will start another round in the spring. (Read about it here and here)

BABES IN GODLAND – a course on feeling brave and beautiful {in your body}.  We will focus on feeling alive, well-made, beautiful, and sensual regardless of relationship status.

There are so many messages we have learned about what “sexy” is and how we are supposed to act as women and as people pursuing the mysteries of God.  These classes are a call to freedom and healing for our WHOLE selves.

*****

“I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.” – Pablo Neruda

I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.” Song of Solomon 5:2

*****

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Are you a Red Panda or a Firefox?

Posted on by Nicole
Red Panda Picture

photo from (http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html)

 

Do you know what this animal is called?

The scientific name: Ailurus fulgens

 

red_panda

In most zoos these animals are labelled as “Red Panda” or “Cat-Bear”.

Red Panda… this name conjures up certain images in our heads.  Images of cuddles and fur, cuteness and sweetness, like the best pet you will never have.  You’d definitely offer to hug a Red Panda.  I’d build a tree in my bedroom just to have Red Pandas sleep on it all day.

 

 

http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

 

Red Panda

Cute, Cuddly, Sweet, Safe

*****

Names matter.  What we label something gives it meaning and subtext.  It changes how we treat it.  Language is subconsciously very powerful.

 

This animal has another name: Firefox

 

Photo from http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

Photo from http://lookw.ru/eda/106-koaly-i-krasnye-pandy-46-oboev.html

Now that’s an animal worth closer attention.  A Firefox is handsome, beautiful, mysterious. You respect a Firefox.  You do not own a firefox; she allows you into her presence.

Firefox

Brave, Mysterious, Beautiful, Wild

 *****

 

Are you a Red Panda or a Firefox?

You get to choose. The world does not get to decide for you who you are.  This crazy zoo may call you a Red Panda, but you know in your soul you are a Firefox – and a Firefox does not give a damn what anyone else thinks.  

Note: Jeff Corwin taught me that scientists have tried to categorize these animals into a larger group, but they defy categorization. They are not raccoons, cats, or bears. They are their own category.  You can be your own category. You do not have to fit into the box others have assigned to you.  People will try to fit you into something they know how to handle. Don’t worry about them. Just keep being your own foxy self.

 

Be the kind of parent you want to be.

Be the kind of spouse you want to be.

Be the kind of human you want to be.

Be the kind of beauty you want to be.

Be the kind of lover you want to be.

 

Firefox Art

 

 *****

 

 

Please Forgive Me

Posted on by Nicole

I need to ask my body for forgiveness.

 

As I finalize the plan for our “Love and Making It” course, I’ve been more aware of my body. I’ve noticed that I tend to see my body as separate from “me”. There’s ME and then there’s this body I am inside that has been connected to ME by nerves and ligaments, like I am in a sci-fi movie and have been assigned this body. Do you think of yourself in pieces like that ever? Is your body YOU or a separated part that you observe from outside sometimes?

I think it’s normal to acknowledge our different elements: body, emotions, ego, mind, spirit, soul – whatever you name them.

The problem comes when we start hating one of our own pieces.

I need to ask my body for forgiveness. I’ve been divided and cruel to that piece of me.  (You can read some of my story here.) Sometimes it is our own divided selves that need forgiveness and reconciliation.  We cannot go on living with hate inside us and expect the rest of our lives to be full of love and passion.

Being kissed is way better when you are fully connected to your body,
like it is yours and it is good and it should be kissed.

 

I cannot receive love through a body that I hate.

And I have hated in the past. So, here goes. I am asking for forgiveness.

 

*****

Dearest,

Will you please forgive me for not loving you? I have not loved you.

I have used you. I have hurt you.

I am sorry.

I was so disappointed in you that I could not love you. And that was weak of me. And so selfish.

My brain, my ego, wanted you as a trophy to trot around at parties and in fancy clothes. My ego wanted to show you off. I needed a Beauty to reflect my power. I was using you. And when you couldn’t pass as a trophy, I hated you. I wanted a divorce. I wanted a new life without you, but we were stuck – you and I – and rather than learning to love the real you, I just resented you. I withheld love to punish you.

Why couldn’t you just be beautiful? Athletic. Graceful. Healthy. Attractive. Why couldn’t you do that for me? That would have been so much easier.

When someone else wanted to love you or touch you, I allowed it; sometimes I pushed you into it, but I hardly ever participated. Their hands touched you, but never me. I watched. I judged that other person for finding you attractive. I told you they were lying about finding you beautiful. I told you they were using you too; I thought they were. And you believed me too.

Will you please forgive me? I am realizing slowly just how wrong I was. Will you be patient with me as I learn?

Please forgive me. I cannot live without you. I do not want to live dead lives alongside each other. I want to live totally connected, united, healthy, excited to spend another day together.

I am learning to be grateful for you – the real you, but first I must ask your forgiveness.

My dearest, soft, warm, Body …. Will you please forgive me?

I must confess, I wrote you off. I decided long ago that you were the weakest link in “me”.  I would focus on my strengths and play up my best features: My imagination is gorgeous. My laugh is pure joy. My words are wise. My perspective is flexible and empathetic. My humor is just the right amount of dirty.

These are some of my strengths. They make me a great member of society, a good person to have around. Alive. These make me feel alive.

And I have used them all to escape you whenever possible.

Body, you have felt like a prison.

I have dreamed of escaping you. Escaping into another body or just no body at all. You. With your asymmetrical spine and tiny height. With the parts that hurt and will not behave. I wanted out.

The only way I can be touched is through you, and you feel wrong. I want to be loved through skin that is smooth and tight and shaped just how I like – I want to be touched through a body that feels graceful and functional, without pain or embarrassment.

I want things you cannot give me and I have hated you for it.

I. Am. So. Sorry.

I am ready to learn to love the real you.  Will please forgive me?

I choose You.

I Choose you.

I CHOOSE YOU.

 

Will you be mine?

I vow to love you every single day of our lives. I will be proud of you and boast about you. I will take care of you, protect you and let you protect me. I will learn to love the real you, just as you are. I will find my worth in the breaths I take and the courage I muster each day – not in the shape of your legs…..

Until the day that I DO find pride in the actual shape of your legs! Yes!

These legs. This breath. This hair. These hands. This smile. This age. This day. Today. Tomorrow too.

I am grateful and proud of your strength and your beauty. This shape. This moment. You are precious and miraculous.  You are mine and you are good.

I love you.

*****

My ego and psyche needed to ask my body for forgiveness. Do you? What do you need to ask the sweet animal of your body to forgive you for?

1000strands.com I forgive (pic 12)

**This Beautiful picture is on Etsy from Kathryn Nee**