Imagination and Kissing

Posted on October 3, 2015 by Nicole

We cannot force ourselves back to life all at once like a sudden combustion, but we are never past hope. The wick is still in your heart. You can burn with passion again.

*****

Force of will
turns nothing on.
Candles are lit
like women.
With fire
and focus
and melting.

*****

It’s a magic combination of body and soul – an everyday magic between two people – that comes with focused attention on where the body and soul mingle. We use our imagination to hope beyond present circumstances. We use our body to root ourselves in this moment.

“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.” -Anais Nin

Where I am

Posted on October 1, 2015 by Nicole

Hi Friends! Welcome.

Take a slow, deep breath.

Count to 4 as you inhale.

Hold all that breath in your lungs as you count to 4 again.

Then, when you are ready, breathe out slowly and fully.

*****

Welcome to this space. It is as much yours as it is mine. May it be a rest when you need it + a kick in the butt when you need that too. All these tiny pixels, created by fingers on keys, mean something to me + I hope they mean something in your life too.

We will talk about bodies + souls here. We will talk about love + making it. I am a pastor, speaker, writer, and a sex educator.

So, now that I’ve made every possible person slightly uncomfortable, let’s see what good we can do in this uncharted territory. Please proceed wisely and know your own boundaries. love, Nicole

*****

We are whole beings and it matters what you do with your body and how you think about your body.

Let’s set aside a little time each day to give attention to the miracle of being human. We are made of stardust and the breath of God, after all.

essays + pictures + sensual delights

Quickie 3

Posted on May 14, 2015 by Nicole

quick thoughts…to help you get in the mood for love…

Warning:

Hugging Causes Love

*****

Stand close to me.

Closer.

Wrap your living arms around me

and I’ll wrap mine around you.

Until our torsos press together so soundly

that our hearts can whisper in each others ears.

Hug me til I’m real,

til the day releases me into your custody.

Even the monks do it.

They say it causes love

forgiveness too.

We are both here,

maybe we should try it.

*****

Quickie 2

Posted on May 12, 2015 by Nicole

quick thoughts…to help you get in the mood for love…

Your fat cells cannot keep the love out.
Love penetrates.

You, my Darling, act like fat destroys Love –
like Love will disintegrate upon contact.

How weak and fragile you imagine It.

Love knows no destruction, fear, or preference
for which kinds of cells it touches.

As long as those cells carry the distinct signature inside
that reads, “You” … then they are each perfect.

Start coloring with 50 Shades of Grey

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Nicole

I write and speak on the topic of sex. I want to be careful with the trust you have given me on this subject. I will not tell you whether you should see 50 Shades of Grey since I haven’t seen the movie yet. Only you know what is beneficial for YOU … but hopefully this will help you cultivate freedom and beauty in your own life either way.

Here’s what I learned from reading the Fifty Shades of Grey books:

I had limited my own creativity. Most of the actual activities within the book were not appealing to me BUT a few were, and more importantly it got me thinking about how artistic and creative someone can be within their make-out sessions.

Texture.

Music.

Surprise.

Sensation.

Voicing what you want.

Clear boundaries and room to play within those rules.

Rather than giving thought to whether the movie should exist or if it will literally destroy a generation, give thought to your own story. You do not need to save the world. How about we first save ourselves?

Does your body need your attention? Does your spouse’s body need your attention?

Fifty Shades of Grey gives a lot of attention to bodies. This is another thing I learned: It is especially important for those of us who’ve struggled with bodies being GOOD and BEAUTIFUL and perfectly made by a GOD YOU LOVES YOUR BODY — to intentionally focus your own loving attention on your body.

Where have you been limited in your thinking about your body?

Where have you settled for “mediocre” in making love?

Is sex an obligation? Is it something you do to make babies? Is it something you do for attention?

How do you move? Could you move differently?

What is your sensory experience? Could you add anything? Smells? Tastes? Varied movements? Music?

Within the healthy boundaries of your own life, how could you play?

Life is full of art. We create a masterpiece within each day by how we live. It’s easy to think of creativity starting in our heads and moving out into the items we create: blog posts, paintings, photographs, meals … BUT do not forget that your own body needs to creatively express itself. Embodiment is healthy. Have you seen a toddler dance lately? Dear Lord, they are art in motion.

*****

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I believe in my bones that EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. Rather than seeing 50 Shades of Grey, spend some time looking at art and thinking about sex. You will get the benefits without the complications of the movie.

How do the paintings and photographs communicate movement or texture?
How could your body express your feelings?
Imagine what you could do.

Why does Fifty Shades turn women on? We could debate the intricacies, but most of all, it’s because it makes women actually THINK about sex as pleasurable and creative. Thinking about new possibilities {in bed} will turn you on.

So, here’s my collection of Fifty Shades of Grey inspiration for you. ENJOY!

(want more inspiration for a healthy | brave | beautiful lovelife?
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Paul Jenkins, Lateral Crossing (2007) | 1000strands.com | Shades of Grey

Grey Ocean | 1000strands.com | Fifty Shades of Grey | Found at http://busybeingfabulous.com/2011/04/side-by-side-the-beauty-of-blacks-and-whites/

By Mark Tobey | 1000strands.com | 50 Shades

By Mark Tobey | Found at http://wowgreat.tumblr.com/post/16574960081/mark-tobey

Caught Leaf by James R. Paige | 1000strands.com | Grey

Caught Leaf by James R. Paige | Found at https://www.flickr.com/photos/pageworld/5120795449/

Almond Milk | from designlovefest.com | repost on 1000strands.com

Found at http://www.designlovefest.com/2014/03/mint-mocha-shake-recipe/

Mountain top | 1000strands.com | Shades of Grey

Found at http://busybeingfabulous.com/2011/04/side-by-side-the-beauty-of-blacks-and-whites/

Found at http://intsight.tumblr.com/

Shane Salzwedel | 1000strands.com | Grey

Found at http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/brooks-shane-salzwedel

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How to have a soulmate

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Nicole

Lately, it has been very cool to say that your husband is not your soulmate.

My Husband is not my soulmate – like here

My Husband is not my soulmate – or here

And I get it. It feels good to be strong and independent and logical.

“I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings.”

These women are breaking through the myth that there is one, magical person who is your other half and who will make your life complete. This is a lie. No human is going to make your life complete. Any human you know deeply and intimately will make your life crazy, confusing, tiring, hilarious, and worthwhile… but not perfect or even complete. Life is not complete for more than fleeting moments, unless you are dead. If you feel complete for more than about 60 minutes at a time, you are probably dead and should ask someone if they can see you.

But, soulmates are real and not believing in them will rob you of the best a marriage can be. You can have a soulmate. You can marry your soulmate. It is possible.

Do you want to know how to marry your soulmate?

Mate your soul to the person you marry.

Mate your soul to the person you marry and they will be your soulmate.

MATE: Join together; connect mechanically.

Join your soul together with your spouse and your souls become “soulmates.”

The miracle of real soulmates is not that they found each other and complete each other. The miracle is not the fairytale of twinkly eyes gazing across a crowded room and falling in love. That’s the easy part. The miracle is two people with initial chemistry and attraction, each deciding to choose into being soulmates for thousands + thousands of hours. Over and over again, BOTH people choose to be grateful, interested, affectionate, focused, and forgiving. THIS is how soulmates are made and kept.

SOULMATES

Soulmates are a miracle because BOTH people are in it at the same time and with complimentary intensity. They are both grateful for each other and their relationship. They are both interested in life and in each others lives. They share. They are affectionate and love each others bodies as well as their souls. They are forgiving and able to keep the goal of connection above any disappointments or hurt.
Both people = Miracle

You will not feel like soulmates if only one of you is doing this. It takes two to mate.

So, how do you mate your soul with your spouse’s soul?
Be Grateful, Interested, Affectionate, and Forgiving.

1. Grateful. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Choose gratitude today. You’ll know you’ve chosen to be grateful by your tone of voice and that delicate balance between enjoying what you have and knowing it could be gone at any time. If you are sassy, cold, or gruff, you are probably not grateful.

2. Interested. Be genuinely interested in your spouse’s passions and life. Share what you read. Share activities. Share stories. Listen well. Be INTO him. Be INTO her. Keep developing a taste for what the other loves. Make eye contact in the midst of sharing a moment and you will feel like soulmates.

3. Affectionate. Touch each other in tenderness and attention. Notice when her hand rests on your leg. Notice when his hand is on your back. Notice and be aware of your bodies near each other. Make a big deal of small caresses – pretend you are 12-years-old and remember how much each brush of skin MATTERED to you. Let it matter.

4. Forgive. When you are not acting like soulmates, forgive. When you are frustrated or disappointed, voice it kindly and then forgive. Voice problems in love and without blame, and then forgive. This is how you stay soulmates.

If you can BOTH be grateful, interested, affectionate, and forgiving… you will have your soulmate.

A soulmate is different than a life partner or spouse in one important way. When we totally stop believing in soulmates, we are really choosing to keep some of our separateness & independence… to keep some of your soul safe from the other person. You know someone is your soulmate because they can crush you. It matters to you if they love you. It matters when they call. It matters, not because it completes you, but because you have let yourself need someone. You are vulnerable. You’ve made space in your life for the connection. We can sit side by side and be partners, but mates are intertwined and connected.

You are allowing that person to be a part of your heart and soul. It is a huge responsibility and honor. When you get married, you are not independent. Your finances, bodies, relationships, time, everything is intertwined.

This is terrifying and many people end up mating with someone who does not hold up their end of the bargain to be Grateful, Interested, Affectionate, and Forgiving. Right now, if you are in a relationship and you are doing these things and they are not… it hurts. It hurts because your soul wants a mate and doesn’t have one right now. We all want the connection of mutually being in the moment together. It’s ok that it hurts; it means it matters. Your soul wants a mate.

Let your spouse matter to you and take the risk. Talk about this with them. Talk about how you could cultivate gratitude, interest, affection and forgiveness. And don’t forget to LOOK at each other and TOUCH each other like you LIKE touching – her soul is in that body…his soul is in that body.

You can have that soulmate experience. True love frustrates us because we will always live in the tension between our ideals and our realities, this does not mean we stop trying…this just means we learn to laugh and forgive and kiss even when it’s hard.

Stop searching for a soulmate and start acting like one.

Photography by Kelly Brown

*****

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Just Do It

Posted on October 9, 2014 by Nicole

This post is NOT for those who struggle in a relationship that is manipulative or abusive. This post is NOT meant to support the 1000’s of years of oppression women have endured as property or servants. It is meant as a reminder that in a healthy, mutual relationship… sometimes we need to be reminded to put on our gym shoes and get motivated.

*****

If you love your husband but just can’t find the motivation or desire to have sex or initiate sex, this is the most practical help I can give:

Just Do It

I know it’s not romantic. I know it’s not ideal.

We want passion and an irresistible magnetic pull towards the love of our lives, but we do not live in Outlander or Twilight or 50 Shades. No one is writing our romance for us – in OUR lives. We have to do the work of making time to love our spouse with not just our minds but our bodies too.

Many of us spend all day basically in our heads. Our bodies serve to carry our brains around and not much else (except to eat Chipotle! Thank you, mouth!). I mean, we work hard but we do not move our bodies for pleasure or mastery of movement.

This causes a disconnect between our minds and our bodies in that we are not accustomed to a life that requires a conscious, practiced connection between body, mind, and soul. We move minimally or with rough, uninspired, exhausted actions throughout long days.

Then, we come home and our husbands (usually, but sometimes it’s the other way around) want to make sweet love… and we are so disconnected from our body that it feels foreign, awkward, and… well, like a lot of work, to get up the energy to have sex.

BUT if they hang in there with us and push through the initial rejection (miracle!) then we kiss and kissing turns to sex… and most of the time, we are really, really glad we did have that sex. We really love our spouse and making love to them is a good thing.

It’s a lot like going to the gym.

Sometimes you just have to do it. Get started. Put on your shoes.

You may not really feel like it, but you know it’s good for you and you’ll be happy you did it. So you start, and about 15 minutes in you find yourself enjoying it. You feel strong and alive. Your muscles and your mind are working in unison. Then, after you are done, you are proud and you are glowing.

It’s okay to feel the same way about sex.

Sometimes you just have to do it. Get started. Put on your shoes {but this time it’s lingerie}.

You may not really feel like it, but you know it’s good for you and you’ll be happy you did it. So you start, and about 15 minutes in you find yourself enjoying it. You feel strong and alive. Your muscles and your mind are working in unison. Then, after you are done, you are proud and you are glowing.

Just do it.

(I did not make this pic, I just like it.)

How to keep a marriage

Posted on October 8, 2014 by Nicole

What lights a relationship on fire? What keeps it going after fifteen years?

What sets butterflies to flight in your stomach when your eyes make contact?

What keeps your bodies magnetized so that the pull towards each other never weakens?

The obvious answer is mutual attraction, but what is that exactly? How do we stay mutually attracted? What’s the answer to “How to keep a marriage magnetized?”

People are not permanent magnets. We do not just naturally hold onto our charge in a relationship. We must keep electricity running through us so we can keep our magnetism pulling us together.

An electromagnet is made from a coil of wire that acts as a magnet when an electric current passes through it but stops being a magnet when the current stops.

At first it seems like our relationship is more like permanent magnets than electromagnets. We are pulled together without even trying. The attraction just seems to happen and we accept it as fact, but there is a vital element available in a new attraction that wears off over time without an intentional electric current shooting through your coils.

If you want your coils to stay attracted to his or her coils for years to come, the essential electric thought you must keep flowing through your mind so that your bodies will attract is this:

I’M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU & YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE ME.

The more time you spend counting the ways your spouse is awesome and how lucky you are to have them, the more humbly grateful you will feel for your relationship. Equally important is the time you spend realizing how awesome you are and how lucky they are to have you, because this gives you confidence.

HUMILITY + CONFIDENCE = CHEMISTRY

We are attracted to people that we admire, who surprise us, but we also need confidence to receive that awesome person’s love in return.

There is nothing like thinking your spouse is spectacular and YOU get to be married to them… and then having them think that about you.

Believing yourselves to be lucky to have each other builds in just enough “seize the moment” motivation to keep the attraction alive. Luck brings gratitude in it’s back pocket.

This keeps that little flicker of tension and wonder between you.

Do not let jealousy, or the attentions of someone else, be the electricity that remagnetizes you. It’s easy to let passion fade and take our partners for granted… until someone else notices how great they are and we are suddenly lit up with jealousy.

*****

Imagine that your spouse is your high school crush… the overwhelming joy that came when their arm touched your arm, when they asked what the homework was in Trig and you couldn’t believe your luck, when they smiled at you across a room and you’d never felt more alive…

Sown into those moments was gratitude and massive admiration of that Crush… plus a focus on every single minute detail of your interactions. You wanted more.

Why do we take for granted that the person we crushed on at some point in our lives, now wakes up beside us?

*****

See that person you married, sitting at their computer scrolling through Facebook? Imagine that you’ve had a crush on them for months and suddenly they are in your house… but this time, you are not some shy, scared high schooler… sure, you are scared because we are always a little frightened to go after what we really want… but now, you know you are crush-worthy too and kissing you is hot. After you read this sentence, you walk over and put your hand on their neck like you can’t believe you GET to. You look them in the eyes like an 80’s hearthrob just long enough to let them know you want them… and then you lean over and kiss, full on the mouth. And this kiss is pure, unbelievable luck: two awesome people finding each other and never letting go… every single day.

This is magnetic.

Wives Submit to Your Husbands

Posted on April 1, 2014 by Nicole

Submission.

It’s a dirty word to some. It’s a holy word to others.

but can I tell you something…?

I have found new life in it. Let me explain.

*****

“Wives, it should be no different with your husbands. Submit to them as you do to the Lord.”
– Ephesians 5

Submit.

^^That word burns^^

It burns because it seems to go against every other thing I know about our freedom. Jesus is supposed to bring a new kind of life: A free life. A life of fullness and joy and grace and love. A life where there are no power struggles because all people are equal and valued. A life where sharing a meal with your enemy or allowing the lowest to have the highest honor, is THE WAY. This is the life I want to live.

“Submit” feels like control and loss of identity.

“Submit” feels like a foot on your neck and a gag in your mouth.

“Submit” feels like a kennel you whimper in while your owners go on vacation.

“Submit” is the exact opposite of freedom.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Gal 5:1

So, how do I submit and still live the full, free, wild life of joyful rebellion?

The key came to me just a couple weeks ago and it has blown wide open my relationship to God and to my husband.

As a writer, performer, actress, speaker I SUBMIT my work and my art to companies and publications that I admire.

I put my heart and soul into my presentation, proposal, or piece of writing and I SUBMIT it.

I am submitting to that website. I am submitting to that magazine. I am submitting to that church ministry… for a chance to be accepted and then presented in new, expanded, and exciting ways.

When I submit something, I am saying “Here. Here is a piece of me. What do you think? Will you accept it? Will you take this piece and make it grow – make it even better than it could have been if it stayed inside of me or locked in a drawer somewhere?”

Imagine a book you have written. Your blood, sweat, tears, hopes and dreams are all in that book. An author knows, that book is you in a lot of ways – at least a part of you. You send it off as a submission to an agent or a publisher. You say, “This is what I have to offer. I have been brave and I have worked hard. Will you take this and help it become something bigger and better than I ever dreamed it could be?”

This is the kind of submission I can believe in. Do you see it with God?

Submit to the Lord: I work hard. I am brave. I am honest and covered in terrified freedom, but I am presenting myself – all of me – to God. I say to God, “Here. Here is all of me. What do you think? Will you accept it? I am fearful but I will not hide myself anymore. This is what I have to give. Will you take it and help me grow – make me even better than I ever dreamed I could be?”

This is the kind of submission I can live in my marriage.

Wives submit to your husbands: I am submitting myself to my husband – all of me. I am brave and free. I work hard to be the best I can be everyday. Then, with a mixture of confidence and humility, hope and love, I submit myself to him. It is not a groveling. It is an offering. There will always be things I wish were different. Like any artist, I know the limits of my skills, but I am just me. I can only be me.

Submitting means being willing to stop hiding. You can write a book and never show anyone. You can be married and never really show your spouse your whole, true self; or you can put it all out there – all your words and body and skin and dreams.

This is as beautiful as I am.
This is as graceful as I am.
This is as brave as I am.
This is as broken as I am.
This is as scared as I am.
This is as complicated as I am.

Will you accept me and catapult me to a new level of freedom and success as a child of God?

^^^^That is a Godly marriage^^^^

Maybe Submission is Romance

To you I give … ME. I give my best, my worst, my ugly and my beautiful. To you, like sunlight on a tight flower, I open. To you I turn and face and unfurl until there is no fear left, only wide stretched petals of soul and body and spirit and breath. To you I show the center of me – the part where new life is born. To you I say, Here I am.

And you respond by receiving. You take me and instead of using me up, you expand me. I submit myself to you and I bloom because of your love.

God calls us to more. By submitting to God, we are offering to live brave, open, daring lives – where each day we show up and give our everything. By submitting to each other, we are called to more – more freedom, more confidence, more beauty, more strength, more vulnerability, more adventure.

In a loving marriage, we have someone to speak to us and touch us with the love of God, the kind that takes our submission not as a neck to stand on but as a beauty and power to expand.

“Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: – you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.”
― E.E. Cummings

*****

If you are interested in finding more bravery and freedom in your own life and marriage, take a look at my eCourse, LOVE AND MAKING IT – there is a class starting soon.

Love and Making It in Spring

Posted on March 19, 2014 by Nicole

Love and Making It in Spring session is over… but we have something hot coming this summer.

*****

Love and Making It – All Women – July 1st {single, married, don’t matter}

Love and Making It – For Couples – June 21st {for both partners to do together}

*****

Listen. We are bombarded with sights and sounds that tell us we are just not good enough and neither is our spouse. Let’s rebel against all of those messages together.

Let Love and Making It give you hope and show you the beauty you already have inside AND out – whether you are single or married.

If you are married, let Love and Making It help you and your spouse find the fun and desire and communication skills to really take your sex life to the next level.

Interested? Let us know. We are want to start a revolution… a rebellion… where all the people who thought they were disqualified from the “good” or “sexy” or “beautiful” life ALL get together and say, “Starting TODAY we are making new rules.”

We can show you how. This is about us choosing ourselves because it’s just a total waste to let one more day go by feeling bad about any of it.

Sign up to be the first to hear more info on classes and for a few inspirational words to make tomorrow even better than today.

(your time is precious. I have over 50,000 unread emails in my personal email from unnecessary things I signed up for. The emails you get from 1,000 Strands will be infrequent and useful and your information will be private)

BEAUTY IS YOURS

THIS IS THE POST FOR OUR SPRING CLASS BUT IT’LL GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT… KEEP READING.

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees. – Pablo Neruda

LOVE and MAKING IT in Spring

(If you already know you are ready to join us, scroll to the bottom to sign up now.)

It’s time, my friend. It’s time for a renewed sense of wonder and connection to spring up in you. It’s time for your body to feel like home. It’s time for you to have greater experiences in your body than you thought were possible. It’s time to feel more awake, satisfied, open, and passionate.

What is the Love and Making It eCourse all about?

Well, sex, mostly. And your body. And your fears. And your marriage. And your sense of humor. And how sex can actually be medicine and dessert. How sex can be more than an obligation or something you do when you love someone and are not currently angry with them… How you can feel sexy and fulfilled NOW in THIS BODY.

It’s time to love your body. It’s just time.

It’s time to look forward to having sex with your husband. It’s just time.

It’s time to learn ways to overcome the obstacles in your sex life. It’s just time.

It’s time to switch from fixing yourself to enjoying yourself. It’s just time.

We spend so much time, money and energy trying to get fit, get smart, get holy, get beautiful… Get through it, Get over it, Get it out of the way.

This class is different. This class is not about getting – although you will get some. This class is about being given gifts.

You will be given gifts. The gifts of FREEDOM, SEX, BEAUTY, SAFETY, COURAGE, PLAY… you will finally own your body and sensuality in a way that allows you to give your whole self – not out of obligation or routine – but out of a bubbling, joyful, sexy desire to share.

In the body you have RIGHT NOW, you can feel beautiful and have truly great sex.

Do not let fear or busyness stop you from receiving this gift.

After years of research and indepth conversations with 100’s of women, I know this class, and the space it creates, literally changes lives and marriages… not because I am awesome (which we can discuss further) but because this way of looking at our sexuality and our bodies works. This is not a prescription, it is a new description of how all of this is meant to be – how we were designed for so much more {in bed}.

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A few words from past classmates:

“I think the thing about this class that has given me the most hope is that there is no assumption that some people will never get there, which is the message often given. Here, it has always been ‘Yes you can. And here’s how. And it will be uncomfortable but keep going.'”

“He looked at me and said, “I’m SO glad you are taking this class. Because no matter how many times I tell you these things, I know you can’t hear them from me. I’m so glad you’ve heard them from Nicole.” We went on to have the most amazing, connected time together ever. EVER. I’m celebrating because even though there have been high highs and low lows throughout this course, we have never had a dialogue that open about this, and I have never felt so connected to him and to my body before.”

“So even though I knew we were both so exhausted, I said to my husband, “Can we go to bed together tonight?” and when he asked why I said, “I really need to feel connected to you tonight, I really need to have sex and be held and know we’re in this together” and I was super nervous, but he didn’t shame me or question it or anything. We just put our laptops away and went to bed. And last night nothing changed with our situation, but something holy happened. I felt connected and known by my hubs in a new way. I finally got what Nicole’s been talking about when she says sex can be therapy and healing.”

“I have waited for these words for ten years. Asked the question “what in the world is sex? Why would God make it? What does it have to do with his heart??” It always seemed a separate thing from him, from relationship with him. Shocking, yes. But I’m ready to engage it. Thank you.”

“Nicole, I hope you plan on offering this regularly! My husband and I do premarital mentoring at our church and I just suggested your course as a resource for our ladies.”

“This is epic….transformational!”

“And then after we made love last night and were laying there a realization hit me. I told him that I feel as if I am waking up from a long sleep. That my whole body has been asleep, numb, and that I feel connected to myself again. Being awake is wonderful!”

“My husband said Nicole is a genius!”

“Nicole that is a huge breakthrough. Huge. Your influence led to REAL, practical, hands on healing.”

“I was raw. I told him what I was missing and needed. We decided to give ourselves permission to laugh in bed as we navigate our physical challenges. We are just now getting out of bed and one of his last comments was “thank you for being brave and telling me what you were feeling. I think this is a new day for us.”

“Your love and making it series is setting me free. My husband has never felt so loved and frankly I have never been more satisfied. I think this is your gift. I want you to talk about bodies and sex all day every day because your truth is seriously beautiful and deeply needed.”

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If you think the church only gave you instructions on how to NOT have sex, but never the tools to help you LOVE sex, take this course with me.

If you need a reboot in your sex life, take this course.

If you love your husband more than life, but still don’t always look forward to having sex, take this course.

If you need a safe community of women to talk with about sex and body challenges, take this course.

If you want to find new, fun ways to make sex hot, take this course.

If you want to turn to your husband in a few weeks and say, “Honey, I have a headache. Can we please have sex?” Take this course.

HOW WE WILL DO THIS THING beginning April 10th:

28 Days of PASSIONALS (A Worksheet/Love Letters to inspire and challenge and ignite you… Think of it like a waterfall of new, beautiful ways to see yourself and sex.)

4 Live Video Workshops where we discuss the Passionals and other issues that have come up in your class. (Recorded in case you miss any.)

A Secret Facebook group where we will cheer each other on, laugh, share our stories and basically talk daily about all the amazing things you are doing throughout the month.

After you sign up, you will also have the chance to sign up for a one-on-one coaching call with Nicole

THE COST:

For the 28 days of Passionals, workshops and daily support the class price is $65.

As with all my courses, there are a few scholarships available. Please send an email to 1000strands@gmail.com if you want to apply for a scholarship.

WHAT TO DO NOW:

SIGN UP TODAY. Use the button below to go to Paypal and please fill out the form below with the email you use on FB so I can add you to the cozy secret group. Any questions? Email me at 1000strands@gmail.com

We cannot force ourselves back to life all at once like a sudden combustion, but we are never past hope. The wick is still in your heart. You can burn with passion again.

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Force of will turns nothing on. Candles are lit like women. With fire and focus and melting.

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It’s a magic combination of body and soul – an everyday magic between two people – that comes with focused attention on where the body and soul mingle. We use our imagination to hope beyond present circumstances. We use our body to root ourselves in this moment.

“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.” -Anais Nin

Hi Friends! Welcome.

Take a slow, deep breath.

Count to 4 as you inhale.

Hold all that breath in your lungs as you count to 4 again.

Then, when you are ready, breathe out slowly and fully.

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Welcome to this space. It is as much yours as it is mine. May it be a rest when you need it + a kick in the butt when you need that too. All these tiny pixels, created by fingers on keys, mean something to me + I hope they mean something in your life too.

We will talk about bodies + souls here. We will talk about love + making it. I am a pastor, speaker, writer, and a sex educator.

So, now that I’ve made every possible person slightly uncomfortable, let’s see what good we can do in this uncharted territory. Please proceed wisely and know your own boundaries. love, Nicole

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We are whole beings and it matters what you do with your body and how you think about your body.

Let’s set aside a little time each day to give attention to the miracle of being human. We are made of stardust and the breath of God, after all.

essays + pictures + sensual delights

Warning:

Hugging Causes Love

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Stand close to me.

Closer.

Wrap your living arms around me

and I’ll wrap mine around you.

Until our torsos press together so soundly

that our hearts can whisper in each others ears.

Hug me til I’m real,

til the day releases me into your custody.

They say it causes love

forgiveness too.

We are both here,

maybe we should try it.

Your fat cells cannot keep the love out. Love penetrates.

You, my Darling, act like fat destroys Love – like Love will disintegrate upon contact.

How weak and fragile you imagine It.

Love knows no destruction, fear, or preference for which kinds of cells it touches.

As long as those cells carry the distinct signature inside that reads, “You” … then they are each perfect.

Here’s what I learned from reading the Fifty Shades of Grey books:

I had limited my own creativity. Most of the actual activities within the book were not appealing to me BUT a few were, and more importantly it got me thinking about how artistic and creative someone can be within their make-out sessions.

Texture.

Music.

Surprise.

Sensation.

Voicing what you want.

Clear boundaries and room to play within those rules.

Rather than giving thought to whether the movie should exist or if it will literally destroy a generation, give thought to your own story. You do not need to save the world. How about we first save ourselves?

Does your body need your attention? Does your spouse’s body need your attention?

Where have you been limited in your thinking about your body?

Where have you settled for “mediocre” in making love?

Is sex an obligation? Is it something you do to make babies? Is it something you do for attention?

How do you move? Could you move differently?

What is your sensory experience? Could you add anything? Smells? Tastes? Varied movements? Music?

Within the healthy boundaries of your own life, how could you play?

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If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I believe in my bones that EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. Rather than seeing 50 Shades of Grey, spend some time looking at art and thinking about sex. You will get the benefits without the complications of the movie.

How do the paintings and photographs communicate movement or texture? How could your body express your feelings? Imagine what you could do.

Why does Fifty Shades turn women on? We could debate the intricacies, but most of all, it’s because it makes women actually THINK about sex as pleasurable and creative. Thinking about new possibilities {in bed} will turn you on.

So, here’s my collection of Fifty Shades of Grey inspiration for you. ENJOY!

Lately, it has been very cool to say that your husband is not your soulmate.

My Husband is not my soulmate – like here

My Husband is not my soulmate – or here

And I get it. It feels good to be strong and independent and logical.

“I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings.”

But, soulmates are real and not believing in them will rob you of the best a marriage can be. You can have a soulmate. You can marry your soulmate. It is possible.

Do you want to know how to marry your soulmate?

Mate your soul to the person you marry.

Mate your soul to the person you marry and they will be your soulmate.

MATE: Join together; connect mechanically.

Join your soul together with your spouse and your souls become “soulmates.”

SOULMATES

You will not feel like soulmates if only one of you is doing this. It takes two to mate.

So, how do you mate your soul with your spouse’s soul? Be Grateful, Interested, Affectionate, and Forgiving.

1. Grateful. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Choose gratitude today. You’ll know you’ve chosen to be grateful by your tone of voice and that delicate balance between enjoying what you have and knowing it could be gone at any time. If you are sassy, cold, or gruff, you are probably not grateful.

4. Forgive. When you are not acting like soulmates, forgive. When you are frustrated or disappointed, voice it kindly and then forgive. Voice problems in love and without blame, and then forgive. This is how you stay soulmates.

If you can BOTH be grateful, interested, affectionate, and forgiving… you will have your soulmate.

You are allowing that person to be a part of your heart and soul. It is a huge responsibility and honor. When you get married, you are not independent. Your finances, bodies, relationships, time, everything is intertwined.

You can have that soulmate experience. True love frustrates us because we will always live in the tension between our ideals and our realities, this does not mean we stop trying…this just means we learn to laugh and forgive and kiss even when it’s hard.

If you love your husband but just can’t find the motivation or desire to have sex or initiate sex, this is the most practical help I can give:

Force of will
turns nothing on.
Candles are lit
like women.
With fire
and focus
and melting.

Your fat cells cannot keep the love out.
Love penetrates.

You, my Darling, act like fat destroys Love –
like Love will disintegrate upon contact.

Love knows no destruction, fear, or preference
for which kinds of cells it touches.

As long as those cells carry the distinct signature inside
that reads, “You” … then they are each perfect.

How do the paintings and photographs communicate movement or texture?
How could your body express your feelings?
Imagine what you could do.

So, how do you mate your soul with your spouse’s soul?
Be Grateful, Interested, Affectionate, and Forgiving.