Good night’s sleep

Let’s get a good night’s sleep, shall we? There are endless tips about how to do this, but here are two things you can do anytime to help relax.

 

Our minds are so much more capable of self-care than we realize. Relaxing and focusing in on certain parts of your body will tell other systems to let down their own guard and rest. We all need rest.

There are small things you can do even at work… even while taking care of wild children… even at the grocery store or in a stressful meeting that will relax you. These same things can help you enter sleep more quickly and with more intentional beauty.

First, Try This:

Relax your tongue and jaw.

Let your tongue lay low in your mouth and let your lips part slightly.

(^^That part you can do anywhere. No one will know you are practicing relaxing in their presence^^)

You can take it further and…

Rub your fingers firmly from the inner edges of your eyebrows, along your brow line, gently through your temples to your hairline, and then firmly trace along your hairline, past your ears and against your jaw.

Relax. Breathe. Focus on long exhales.

“Relaxing your tongue and jaw sends a message to your brain stem and limbic system to turn off the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol,” says neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas, PhD (from Prevention.com)

Do this to remind your body that you are safe and can relax.

*****

Second, Try This:

If you are looking for a more complete connection between body and spirit before you enter sleep, try a Body Scan Meditation with a Prayer twist.

A great example of a recorded Body Scan Meditation is here at NPR.com.

The purpose Body Scan Meditation is to bring awareness and acceptance to each member of the body without judgement and without trying to fix anything. Sense and notice. 

As you lay still, set your mind on the purpose of this time: acceptance and awareness.

Now, begin scanning your attention from your toes to the top of your head. You are going to greet each part of your body with honor and love and awe. Even the sources of pain or discomfort, you will simply notice and send love through taking a deep breath as that part enters your mind or you can gently touch the area with the palms of your hands, if it feels right. 

After you have taken your time touring your body, you will end in prayer over your entire body with love. Feel the skin that covers you and knits you all together.

Choose a prayer to lay over each inch of skin that makes you a whole body. You can these just at the end or even all throughout your scan if you find yourself struggling:

 

“All beautiful you are, My Darling; there is no flaw in you.”

 

 You are entirely Beautiful. Song of Songs 4:7 || loveandmakingit.com

“I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation,
filled with wonder and awe.”

 I will offer my grateful heart. Psalm 139:14 || loveandmakingit.com

If you are married, you could do the Body Scan Prayer together – let your spouse pray over every single part of you and gently lay their hands on your skin as they pray. 

 

 

Touch me

I’m here. In here. 
not body or soul

but both – Both
skin and nerves
sewn to love and fears
touch me, please
so you can touch me

We are neither angel nor animal.

We can live for days as if our minds are the endless, beautiful, infinite space of creativity and spirituality. We can live for days as if our bodies are the magnetic, focused, sensory playgrounds of indulgence and physical exertion. We can choose to live on either side of the divide, but only so long as we can keep up the illusion that there IS a divide.

We cannot live long or well without realizing the mental effect of our physical actions.

We cannot live long or well without realizing the physical needs and effects of our mental obsessions.

You are imagination and skin.

Skin is holy. Spirit is holy.

If we are living for the day that we are finally done with this body and can be the spirit we were always meant to be, we are missing the goodness and holiness in Life. It is in and through our bodies that we love and are loved.

 

*****

Last night, my littlest daughter asked me to cuddle with her. She loves when I gently run my hands up and down her legs as she lays in bed. Her soft body glides under my warm hands and I pray for her as I slowly make contact with each inch of her tired skin. Being alive is exhausting, especially when you are doing it well. So, I pray for her health and for her legs – that they would be strong and sure. I pray for her heart and the blood flowing through her veins. I pray for her gut – that she would feed it well and listen to it even better.

As I am praying, she asks if she can rub my arms. She tells me to sit still and proceeds to run her excruciatingly soft, gentle, cool hands up and down my tired arms. And my heart breaks.

Glory.

The glory of a touch given with so much care and innocence and generosity.

My heart breaks into one zillion pieces and I like it.

My spirit and my skin pull tight against each other, no empty spaces, only wholeness. Tears spring to my eyes. I smile. This is what it feels like to be real

…to have my physical world and my spiritual world alight with electrical impulses connecting me to me.

 *****

When your body takes action, connect your spirit with that action. Commit your whole self to the present moment. When you hold someone’s hand, make sure your personality is in that hand too. Make it mean something.

When your spirit processes life, include physical activity in the process. Deep breathing changes everything. Sweat cleans more than just skin. Touch matters. Include your physical life in your spiritual life and witness real change in the overall enjoyment you experience.

*****

If God came to earth in a human body, there is no stronger word to be spoken about the goodness of skin and bones.

God came in the form of Jesus.
And, well, it could be said that God is on earth within the form of YOU as well.

“Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”
1 Cor 3:16

 

So you can touch me | www.1000strands.com

Touch me, please

Touch is not always a demand. Sometimes, it is a request for care and connection. Sometimes, most of the time, it is soul care deep down. 

Where I am

 

Hi Friends! Welcome.

Take a slow, deep breath.

Count to 4 as you inhale.

Hold all that breath in your lungs as you count to 4 again.

Then, when you are ready, breathe out slowly and fully.

*****

Welcome to this space. It is as much yours as it is mine. May it be a rest when you need it + a kick in the butt when you need that too. All these tiny pixels, created by fingers on keys, mean something to me + I hope they mean something in your life too.

We will talk about bodies + souls here. We will talk about love + making it. I am a pastor, speaker, writer, and a sex educator.

So, now that I’ve made every possible person slightly uncomfortable, let’s see what good we can do in this uncharted territory. Please proceed wisely and know your own boundaries. love, Nicole

*****

We are whole beings and it matters what you do with your body and how you think about your body.

Let’s set aside a little time each day to give attention to the miracle of being human.  We are made of stardust and the breath of God, after all.

 

Body full of Soul

essays + pictures + sensual delights

 

Quickie 1

quick thoughts…to help you get in the mood for love…

oh, hello, Body.

Tell me what you want. All of it.

I will listen and not laugh or judge.

I can’t promise to give you everything you want, but I will sit and wish with you.

 I can't promise everything, but I can wish with you.

Just because you want it doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but I sure do love to hear what you like and dream with you.

I’m sorry about the times in the past that I left this important middle part out – this part where I just wish and listen. I thought if I knew what you wanted I would have to give it to you. I didn’t realize the glory in just knowing and listening and waiting.

So, tell me, what do you want. All of it.

Love and Making It in Spring

Love and Making It in Spring session is over… but we have something hot coming this summer.

*****

 

Love and Making It – All Women – July 1st {single, married, don’t matter}

Love and Making It – For Couples – June 21st {for both partners to do together}

*****

Listen. We are bombarded with sights and sounds that tell us we are just not good enough and neither is our spouse. Let’s rebel against all of those messages together.

Let Love and Making It give you hope and show you the beauty you already have inside AND out – whether you are single or married.

If you are married, let Love and Making It help you and your spouse find the fun and desire and communication skills to really take your sex life to the next level.

Interested? Let us know. We are want to start a revolution… a rebellion… where all the people who thought they were disqualified from the “good” or “sexy” or “beautiful” life ALL get together and say, “Starting TODAY we are making new rules.”

We can show you how. This is about us choosing ourselves because it’s just a total waste to let one more day go by feeling bad about any of it.

Sign up to be the first to hear more info on classes and for a few inspirational words to make tomorrow even better than today. 

(your time is precious. I have over 50,000 unread emails in my personal email from unnecessary things I signed up for.  The emails you get from 1,000 Strands will be infrequent and useful and your information will be private)

YES! Beauty and Good Sex are important to me

* indicates required



Email Format


BEAUTY IS YOURS

THIS IS THE POST FOR OUR SPRING CLASS BUT IT’LL GIVE YOU MORE OF AN IDEA OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT… KEEP READING.

 

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees. – Pablo Neruda

 

LOVE and MAKING IT in Spring

(If you already know you are ready to join us, scroll to the bottom to sign up now.)

Love and Making It in Spring 2014 is starting

It’s time, my friend.  It’s time for a renewed sense of wonder and connection to spring up in you.  It’s time for your body to feel like home.  It’s time for you to have greater experiences in your body than you thought were possible.  It’s time to feel more awake, satisfied, open, and passionate.

What is the Love and Making It eCourse all about?

Well, sex, mostly. And your body. And your fears. And your marriage. And your sense of humor. And how sex can actually be medicine and dessert.  How sex can be more than an obligation or something you do when you love someone and are not currently angry with them… How you can feel sexy and fulfilled NOW in THIS BODY. 

 

It’s time to love your body. It’s just time.

It’s time to look forward to having sex with your husband. It’s just time.

It’s time to learn ways to overcome the obstacles in your sex life. It’s just time.

It’s time to switch from fixing yourself to enjoying yourself. It’s just time.

We spend so much time, money and energy trying to get fit, get smart, get holy, get beautiful… Get through it, Get over it, Get it out of the way.

This class is different. This class is not about getting – although you will get some.  This class is about being given gifts.

You will be given gifts. The gifts of FREEDOM, SEX, BEAUTY, SAFETY, COURAGE, PLAY… you will finally own your body and sensuality in a way that allows you to give your whole self – not out of obligation or routine – but out of a bubbling, joyful, sexy desire to share.

In the body you have RIGHT NOW, you can feel beautiful and have truly great sex.

Do not let fear or busyness stop you from receiving this gift.

After years of research and indepth conversations with 100’s of women, I know this class, and the space it creates, literally changes lives and marriages… not because I am awesome (which we can discuss further) but because this way of looking at our sexuality and our bodies works.  This is not a prescription, it is a new description of how all of this is meant to be – how we were designed for so much more {in bed}

 

 **********

A few words from past classmates:

“I think the thing about this class that has given me the most hope is that there is no assumption that some people will never get there, which is the message often given. Here, it has always been ‘Yes you can. And here’s how. And it will be uncomfortable but keep going.'”

**

“He looked at me and said, “I’m SO glad you are taking this class. Because no matter how many times I tell you these things, I know you can’t hear them from me. I’m so glad you’ve heard them from Nicole.” We went on to have the most amazing, connected time together ever. EVER. I’m celebrating because even though there have been high highs and low lows throughout this course, we have never had a dialogue that open about this, and I have never felt so connected to him and to my body before.”

**

“So even though I knew we were both so exhausted, I said to my husband, “Can we go to bed together tonight?” and when he asked why I said, “I really need to feel connected to you tonight, I really need to have sex and be held and know we’re in this together” and I was super nervous, but he didn’t shame me or question it or anything. We just put our laptops away and went to bed. And last night nothing changed with our situation,  but something holy happened. I felt connected and known by  my hubs in a new way. I finally got what Nicole’s been talking about when she says sex can be therapy and healing.”

**

“I have waited for these words for ten years. Asked the question “what in the world is sex? Why would God make it? What does it have to do with his heart??” It always seemed a separate thing from him, from relationship with him. Shocking, yes. But I’m ready to engage it. Thank you.”

**

“Nicole, I hope you plan on offering this regularly! My husband and I do premarital mentoring at our church and I just suggested your course as a resource for our ladies.”

**

“This is epic….transformational!”

**

“And then after we made love last night and were laying there a realization hit me. I told him that I feel as if I am waking up from a long sleep. That my whole body has been asleep, numb, and that I feel connected to myself again. Being awake is wonderful!”

**

“My husband said Nicole is a genius!”

**

“Nicole that is a huge breakthrough. Huge. Your influence led to REAL, practical, hands on healing.”

**

“I was raw. I told him what I was missing and needed. We decided to give ourselves permission to laugh in bed as we navigate our physical challenges. We are just now getting out of bed and one of his last comments was “thank you for being brave and telling me what you were feeling. I think this is a new day for us.”

**

“Your love and making it series is setting me free. My husband has never felt so loved and frankly I have never been more satisfied. I think this is your gift. I want you to talk about bodies and sex all day every day because your truth is seriously beautiful and deeply needed.”

 

**********

 

If you think the church only gave you instructions on how to NOT have sex, but never the tools to help you LOVE sex, take this course with me.

If you need a reboot in your sex life, take this course.

If you love your husband more than life, but still don’t always look forward to having sex, take this course.

If you need a safe community of women to talk with about sex and body challenges, take this course.

If you want to find new, fun ways to make sex hot, take this course.

If you want to turn to your husband in a few weeks and say, “Honey, I have a headache. Can we please have sex?” Take this course.

 

HOW WE WILL DO THIS THING beginning April 10th:

  • 28 Days of PASSIONALS (A Worksheet/Love Letters to inspire and challenge and ignite you… Think of it like a waterfall of new, beautiful ways to see yourself and sex.)

  • 4  Live Video Workshops where we discuss the Passionals and other issues that have come up in your class. (Recorded in case you miss any.)

  • A Secret Facebook group where we will cheer each other on, laugh, share our stories and basically talk daily about all the amazing things you are doing throughout the month.

**After you sign up, you will also have the chance to sign up for a one-on-one coaching call with Nicole**

 

THE COST:

For the 28 days of Passionals, workshops and daily support the class price is $65.  

As with all my courses, there are a few scholarships available. Please send an email to 1000strands@gmail.com if you want to apply for a scholarship.

WHAT TO DO NOW:

SIGN UP TODAY. Use the button below to go to Paypal and please fill out the form below with the email you use on FB so I can add you to the cozy secret group.  Any questions? Email me at 1000strands@gmail.com




 

Sign up for “Love and Making It in Spring”

* indicates required



Email Format

 

 

check out the Love and Making It eCourse

Please Forgive Me

I need to ask my body for forgiveness.

 

As I finalize the plan for our “Love and Making It” course, I’ve been more aware of my body. I’ve noticed that I tend to see my body as separate from “me”. There’s ME and then there’s this body I am inside that has been connected to ME by nerves and ligaments, like I am in a sci-fi movie and have been assigned this body. Do you think of yourself in pieces like that ever? Is your body YOU or a separated part that you observe from outside sometimes?

I think it’s normal to acknowledge our different elements: body, emotions, ego, mind, spirit, soul – whatever you name them.

The problem comes when we start hating one of our own pieces.

I need to ask my body for forgiveness. I’ve been divided and cruel to that piece of me.  (You can read some of my story here.) Sometimes it is our own divided selves that need forgiveness and reconciliation.  We cannot go on living with hate inside us and expect the rest of our lives to be full of love and passion.

Being kissed is way better when you are fully connected to your body,
like it is yours and it is good and it should be kissed.

 

I cannot receive love through a body that I hate.

And I have hated in the past. So, here goes. I am asking for forgiveness.

 

*****

Dearest,

Will you please forgive me for not loving you? I have not loved you.

I have used you. I have hurt you.

I am sorry.

I was so disappointed in you that I could not love you. And that was weak of me. And so selfish.

My brain, my ego, wanted you as a trophy to trot around at parties and in fancy clothes. My ego wanted to show you off. I needed a Beauty to reflect my power. I was using you. And when you couldn’t pass as a trophy, I hated you. I wanted a divorce. I wanted a new life without you, but we were stuck – you and I – and rather than learning to love the real you, I just resented you. I withheld love to punish you.

Why couldn’t you just be beautiful? Athletic. Graceful. Healthy. Attractive. Why couldn’t you do that for me? That would have been so much easier.

When someone else wanted to love you or touch you, I allowed it; sometimes I pushed you into it, but I hardly ever participated. Their hands touched you, but never me. I watched. I judged that other person for finding you attractive. I told you they were lying about finding you beautiful. I told you they were using you too; I thought they were. And you believed me too.

Will you please forgive me? I am realizing slowly just how wrong I was. Will you be patient with me as I learn?

Please forgive me. I cannot live without you. I do not want to live dead lives alongside each other. I want to live totally connected, united, healthy, excited to spend another day together.

I am learning to be grateful for you – the real you, but first I must ask your forgiveness.

My dearest, soft, warm, Body …. Will you please forgive me?

I must confess, I wrote you off. I decided long ago that you were the weakest link in “me”.  I would focus on my strengths and play up my best features: My imagination is gorgeous. My laugh is pure joy. My words are wise. My perspective is flexible and empathetic. My humor is just the right amount of dirty.

These are some of my strengths. They make me a great member of society, a good person to have around. Alive. These make me feel alive.

And I have used them all to escape you whenever possible.

Body, you have felt like a prison.

I have dreamed of escaping you. Escaping into another body or just no body at all. You. With your asymmetrical spine and tiny height. With the parts that hurt and will not behave. I wanted out.

The only way I can be touched is through you, and you feel wrong. I want to be loved through skin that is smooth and tight and shaped just how I like – I want to be touched through a body that feels graceful and functional, without pain or embarrassment.

I want things you cannot give me and I have hated you for it.

I. Am. So. Sorry.

I am ready to learn to love the real you.  Will please forgive me?

I choose You.

I Choose you.

I CHOOSE YOU.

 

Will you be mine?

I vow to love you every single day of our lives. I will be proud of you and boast about you. I will take care of you, protect you and let you protect me. I will learn to love the real you, just as you are. I will find my worth in the breaths I take and the courage I muster each day – not in the shape of your legs…..

Until the day that I DO find pride in the actual shape of your legs! Yes!

These legs. This breath. This hair. These hands. This smile. This age. This day. Today. Tomorrow too.

I am grateful and proud of your strength and your beauty. This shape. This moment. You are precious and miraculous.  You are mine and you are good.

I love you.

*****

My ego and psyche needed to ask my body for forgiveness. Do you? What do you need to ask the sweet animal of your body to forgive you for?

1000strands.com I forgive (pic 12)

**This Beautiful picture is on Etsy from Kathryn Nee**

Making Love

“You sure do write about sex a lot.”

Yes. That’s true, but I didn’t expect this. I’ve never cared much either way about sex, honestly. It’s not on my mind that often… not that you’d believe me with all this Love and Making It talk. 

But something happened to me after my second baby was born and sex has become my yoga, my running, my self-care, my way back to loving my body and learning that my “self” is more than what is just in my head. I am not just a soul or an intellect. I am a body too.  And this body is good – as good and perfectly created as my soul. Sex has become a the way I grow as a human, a Christian, a woman. My body and soul are reuniting and getting to know each other.  This is why I keep talking about sex. I believe our bodies are good for way more than short bursts of pleasure from food or quick orgasm.  Our bodies are much wiser and complicated than we give them credit for on a normal day. 

Ask anyone who has a workout they absolutely love (a runner, a yogi…) and they will tell you how that exercise brings them joy and endorphins and knowledge and self confidence and health.

Movement. Courage. Vulnerability. Fun. Play. Appreciation.

This is sex. It’s not just mechanics.  We are making love. It’s not easy, but it should be fun. And it can grow us as humans, if we let it.  Growing in the areas that make sex great, also make life great. 

The keys to great sex are trust, bravery and love. 

****

Sex is complicated, for sure.  No one has been handed a clear and grace-ful sexuality. Sex can be the opposite of freeing and loving if we are not careful.  We have to fight for it. We have to trailblaze through the jungle of confusion and false messages, fears and pride, hate and power-struggles. 

This is why I’ve started the LOVE AND MAKING IT series. This is why I talk about sex. This is why I’ve invited other brave, wise people to participate and share their struggles and triumphs in this area. We need each other’s permission to process and grow. We need each other’s safe spaces. This is a safe space to become fully human – body and soul.   Everything is connected.  1,000 Strands. 

****

The LOVE AND MAKING IT Series:

 

(lovely guests)

Sarah Wheeler – Beauty and the Porn Beast

Esther Emery – Wild Girls Dancing

Abby Norman – Don’t Touch My Boobs

Jennifer Upton – Naked Truth

Tara Owens – The Crowd in the Bedroom

Candice Jones – Confessions

Robin Chancer – This is Intimacy

Ellie Kay – Never Been Kissed

(from Nicole)

For You, I Will

Tonight I Can

When Your Body is a Minefield

 

With many more to come from me and from other powerful writers…